Passionate Self Love
by Joanna Albrecht
(Published May 2009 in High Spirit Magazine)
I am in an amazingly passionate and loving relationship… with myself. It wasn’t always this way…it has been an on again off again on again relationship. When I was growing up I thought that my life purpose was to find a partner and please them. If I did this I was fulfilling my destiny. But throughout all of my relationships, I never had a sense of peace. I was always worried, wondering if love would end…and eventually it always did.
I had been focused outside of myself for so long. Pouring love on men who didn’t appreciate me, who didn’t see me for the amazing person I was and there was a part of me that had to watch as time and time again I would spend my energy loving others only to deny love for myself that I so deeply needed. I had been through many “lesson relationships” where I had given my power away to others. After a particularly bad breakup, I went into my heart to ask why I gave my power away. I realized that the thought of being responsible for my own power was overwhelming. Like Marianne Williamson writes…”Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate; our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I had seen how my intensions manifested things in the world and somewhere inside of myself I thought I was not worthy to wield this power. I knew that I could affect things by my thoughts and through my will and I couldn’t always be sure I was coming from the most clear and loving place. I wanted my power to be used for the highest good…but I knew I wasn’t quite clear enough to know what that was. Who am I, what is my purpose? Am I a good person? Why do I feel so bad about myself? Why am I so hard on myself? What did I do to feel this awful? And again, Marianne’s words rang true for me. ” It’s not that you feel like you did anything bad, you just feel like you are bad. Period.”
One day I began putting together a list of qualities I wanted my perfect partner to have and what I would like this partner to do for me. I want them to be beautiful, spiritual, intelligent, well read, like nature, have a good job, like to travel, like the music I like, good kisser, etc. I wanted to be courted, to receive flowers and get taken dancing, to go for long walks and talk about spirit and the meaning of life, watch sunsets together…
I looked at my list one day and it occurred to me, that in order to attract this into my life I need to be these things too. I needed to become the mirror of the person I wanted to attract. I decided to give myself all of the things that I was waiting to get from another person. I took myself on dates, I bought myself flowers, every Friday I would go to this local Irish pub and order a Veggie burger and pear cider to take myself out on a date, I wrote myself poetry and love songs. I even made up dances and danced for myself. During the day I would tell myself, “I love you” “You are my beautiful girl” “You are doing a good job” “Everything is going to be OK”
Something inside of me started to shift.
My body which was always tense, stressed and guarded, started to relax and open up. I became aware of the love that was all around me and for the first time I realized I deserved this love too!
Ponta, an amazing Spiritual healer and close friend of mine gave me the book, “The Prospering Power of Love” by Catherine Ponder and I started saying affirmations… “I am Divine Love.” “Unconditional Love is flowing to me and through me Now.” After a few weeks I started to radiate Love and a Light that was almost tangible. The harsh thoughts I had about myself started to fade and I began to fall in Love with not only myself, but everyone and everything around me. Everywhere I went I saw love. I saw Love in the trees. I saw Love on the sidewalk. I saw Love in the people’s eyes all around me. It seems that the Love I was looking for was within me the whole time. The key was to love myself so fully and completely that I couldn’t help but love all those around me. It was just a natural side affect. At the beginning it was difficult. I would cry because somewhere inside I felt like a hurt child who hadn’t been talked to or given love in so many years. I had been ignoring her and if I did speak to her I said so many negative things, about her body about every mistake she made. I was harsher on her than I was with anyone else in my life. She needed a break and needed to be sure that I was truly going to be loving and gentle with her from now on. I had to regain her trust with gentle words and kindness. I had to remember the times that I spent alone growing up. How I would take walks in the fields by my house with just my tape recorder, and make up songs and do nature documentaries about the plants and trees. I remembered how I used to make up stories to entertain myself. Because my mother and I moved a lot when I was little I was the only constant friend that I had, so I became my true best friend. As I remembered this love I had for myself, I slowly started to relax and opened up and my gifts and wisdom started coming up from within. Before I found this love, I could be in a room of people, getting hugged and loved up, but I would still feel alone. I had gotten so mad at others for not giving me enough love, but now that I give myself what I need, I truly feel taken care of and absolutely safe and truly Loved by myself and everyone around me.
Healers take care of so many people and we sometimes forget that we are one of those people that need to be taken care of. As we take the time to fall in love with ourselves we become overflowing with love, feel safe enough to open fully and as we do we start to expand our capacity for love. We open like a flower to the sun and as we do everyone starts to shine, emanating this frequency of unconditional love and when people are around us they can’t help but feel it to. When we love ourselves fully and completely without conditions it gives others the opportunity to love themselves without conditions. We simply hold the space of love in our own being and it radiates out. We don’t need to do anything other than be present for healing to occur for the other person. Their frequency rises by just being in our presence. When our minds are peace filled and loving within, we can have loving thoughts for others in our outside world. When we are loving to ourselves it gives people the permission to be loving to themselves. And eventually they realize that the love they were looking for was inside of themselves the whole time.
10 things you can do to create a more loving and fulfilling relationship with yourself
by Joanna Albrecht
Many of us think we are familiar with our physical body. We have had it our whole lifetime, have seen it change from year to year as we get older, we feel hunger and we eat, we feel tired and we rest. It seems we are in touch with the needs of the body and have a good working relationship with it…but there are other messages the body has for us that might not be so apparent.
Sometimes we feel lonely and afraid, sometimes disconnected and scattered. Often times these are symptoms of not being fully connected or integrated into our spirit body. I had always had the understanding that the physical body was the home for the spirit body, but recently I had to reason to rethink this premise. The spirit body is made up of many layers and levels of vibration that are much vaster than we can imagine. The physical body, while wonderful and amazing is only a tiny piece of this construct. It is the vehicle that our spirit body gets to express itself and yet the only way it can do that is if it is fully integrated into the physical body. The body offers itself for us to be manifest and physically present this lifetime here on the planet, in return we work with it and share with it our energy, knowledge and love. We enter into this lifetime with our first loving and sacred relationship. But somewhere along our journey… we forget this. We forget how to communicate with the body, how to love and share energy with our body and we start to feel tired, sadness and loneliness.
When we feel sad and lonely, many times this is the body asking us to come back to it. The body is saying…”Hey, remember me? I thought we had a loving and sacred relationship. I thought we were here to work together this life time. Where are you? I feel alone.” Often times the spirit body is off thinking about people, projects, or the stories and dramas of the world. We think of the past, the future, anything but what is happening in the body at this moment in time.
When the Physical body is disconnected from the Spirit body it starts to break down. It does not have the energy it needs to maintain itself. We tend to get aches and pains, illness, tiredness…these things are the body’s way of asking us to pay attention. “Hello, remember me? I have an issue I would like to talk to you about and I am going to bring up these uncomfortable feeling for you as a reminder until you are ready to listen to me.” If we address these issues and focus into and feel the pain fully and completely, we are acknowledging the physical body’s request to become more present and to listen to what it has to say. Pain will often dissipate in moments because we are: 1. Giving the body the energy and love it needs to repair itself. 2. We are listening to the physical body and acknowledging the issue the body wants us to notice.
Physical pain can also be a stagnant block of emotion. When we don’t want to deal with an emotional issue we will place it our energy field to deal with it at a later time. This energy doesn’t go anywhere it simply sits in our field waiting for the time we revisit it and release it. Some blocks will quietly go unnoticed for many years without incident, until one day when they get woken up. A seemingly simple problem gets blown out of proportion and we feel pain in our body and emotions that are off the chart. This incident has triggered the past trauma that is now coming up to be released.
One of the keys of Spirit Body integration is to focus into the pain to find out what the root cause is. The pain is the perfect sign post to find blocks to release. Focus on these places and breathe into them full embodying them with our love and attention. Ask them what they would like to share with you. Help the body to feel safe and comfortable again. Feeling fully supported and loved.
The original pain comes from us not being full present in the area. An event happens that frightens us and we tend to run from pain because we don’t want to feel it, but the very act of running from it, makes it worse. Being with it fully and completely will help it to release and heal very quickly. I have seen intense pain dissolve by simply breathing and focusing on expanding the painful area and embracing and acknowledging it with love.
When our spirit body is fully and completely in loving presence with the physical body our lives our easier and our relationships closer and more loving. Have you ever heard the concept “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself first?” Here is the reason why… When you enter into a relationship that makes you forget everything but how much in love that you are, it feels great! You are so in love and they are so in love with you…you start to focus all you time on them ignoring your own life and just wanting to please this other person because they give you so much happiness. Eventually what happens is that your body begins to get sad. “How come you don’t love me that much? How come you focus so much on this other person and not on me?” What we sometimes interpret this feeling as, “I miss my lover…I want to speak to them again” When we do see our lover we feel better for a while, but we are never quite satisfied, because the lonely feelings are not coming from not being with this other person, the feelings are coming from our body wanting us to be with us.
This doesn’t only happen with romantic relationships, it happens with many caregivers I know who throw themselves into their work with others, only to find at the end of the day they feel tired and lonely. Their body is seeing the amazing amount of love and dedication they are putting into others when they are barely taking care of themselves. Most wish they could find someone to take care of them in the same way and yet the same thing applies as in romantic relationships. Others can only give us a quick fix, the real love and healing we are searching for is from ourselves.
Our Spirit Body Relationship is such an important piece of the puzzle many of us miss. If the relationship with the self is solid and loving we will attract the same solid loving friendships and romantic relationships filled with love into our lives.
10 things you can do to create a more loving and fulfilling relationship with yourself:
- Take the time to get to know you again. Sit in silence for at least 20 minutes a day and allow your body to speak to you. It may open up right away or it may take many tries until your body trusts you to actually listen to it. Be patient and loving, it will eventually open up to you when it feels safe enough.
- Take the time to touch your body. Starting from the top of your head work all the way down telling each body part how much you love and appreciate it. Say it like you mean it and focus into each and every part of your body. Notice if have any resistance to loving a specific body part, these are the parts that need extra love. When you come across pain or tightness dive into this place and ask yourself…what are you trying to tell me? How can I help you with this?
- Look into your eyes in the mirror and say “I Love You” Say it until you feel really comfortable with looking into your eyes and loving yourself.
- Get naked and look into the mirror. Let your body know that you appreciate everything it does and all it has done for you and it is perfect just as it is right now. Focusing on the parts of yourself you usually give a hard time to. Spend extra time giving those parts love.
- Dance with yourself. Dance with your reflection in the mirror or window. Dance with your shadow on the wall. Put on your favorite music and find the groove that you can really get into with your body.
- Sing a song for yourself. Allow your voice to sing from you. When you feel safe and loved your body will open up to its true voice, not the voice you use when other people are around, this is a voice that is natural and free from inhibitions. This is your sacred voice, it sounds deeper and more resonant than your everyday voice. Experiment with it.
- Dedicate love songs to yourself. Co-dependent love songs take on a whole new meaning when you sing them to yourself…
- Take yourself out on a date. Spend a special day or night doing something that you want to do and notice how your body feels as you take it on adventures and ask it how it loves the different things you are doing together. Take time and really listen to what it has to say and how it feels.
- Take time to sit by the ocean, river or pond. Close your eyes and listen to nature. Being in nature allows your body to feel safe, open and free to speak to you more clearly.
10. Create some art. Art is a co-creative process inspiration and movement. Explore what artistic modalities really bring out your inner self.
Some people think that loving yourself is selfish and egotistical. But I have found that people who have these tendencies are often not truly loving themselves. They are coming from a place of lack and looking for love in ways that are fleeting and material. When someone truly loves themselves they are clear present and you can feel love from them flowing out. They feel relaxed, open and free. The old saying “Love others as you would love yourself” makes more sense if you actually have an amazing relationship with yourself. I believe when we truly love ourselves we are able to love others in a deeper and more sacred way. We come from a place of fullness and completeness instead of a person who is only half present waiting for another person to fill in our missing pieces.
Another thing about having a wonderful relationship with yourself is that you will attract others with this same ability to love themselves. Instead of two incomplete people looking for a piece of their puzzle, you become two complete fully loving people looking for someone to share the amazing miracle life has to share.
As you begin this new relationship with your body you will start to experience it as a relaxing and opening process that allows the body to feel safe and loved as we invite the Spirit body back in to create a deeper connection on many levels.
People have reported receiving a sense of coming home and a calm peace they haven’t felt in a long time if ever. They feel more embodied, connected to themselves and the universe with a deep sense of being totally and completely loved and empowered.
Joanna Albrecht is an international spiritual, energetic and intuitive healing guide, published writer, workshop leader founder and teacher of The Spirit Body Integration Method.
For more information please visit her website http://unfoldinglove.com
To inquire about a session call 207 812 8480
by Joanna Albrecht
Have you ever thought of someone and then a few minutes later they call on the phone? Or you wake up in the morning thinking about someone and you see them later that day?
We are all connected to each other through a series of energy cords. You may or may not be able to feel them, but you can certainly feel them when they are activated. When you spend lots of time with someone you form a deeper connection with them. The cords that are between you will strengthen and get larger and you also create new cords . When the cords are very strong and clear, sometimes you can feel what the other person is feeling and often times, be able to know what they are thinking, in words, pictures, or feelings.
Have you ever met someone that seemed so familiar, you swear you have met them, but haven’t. It seems easy to speak with them and feels comfortable to be around them. These people have energies that are similar to our own. They are of the same soul family and energy frequency. For these people, spending lots of time together isn’t necessary to form a deep bond because your energy vibrates at the same tone, much like a violin and a piano resonating the same note or complementary tones. When your frequencies come together there is a resonance or harmony with one another.
There are other times when you meet someone and automatically do not like them. You feel a discord. These people are resonating at a tone that is not harmonious with yours. It feels uncomfortable to be around them, yet you are not sure why. Whether harmonious or discord, we feel these things because we are all connected.
The purpose of cords
Each person on the planet, every animal, rock, tree, blade of grass…we are all connected by lines or cords of energy. When a person feels “At One With Everything” this is the recognition of this truth, feeling all the lines of connection at once. When we meet a person our energy goes back and forth through these cords giving us information about the other person. We are feeling the person out before we even speak to them.
When a person establishes a relationship cord with another they create a new cord just for them, sometimes many depending on what energy they wish to exchange. People connect into the heart, for love connections, the second chakra for sexual and creative connections, third chakra for power connections, and so on. These cords pass information and energy back and forth. When these cords are healthy, clear and open people often times don’t even need to speak to each other they can just send energy through the cords to communicate.
When these cords get gunked up, so does communication. Stuck stagnant energy, power struggles, arguments, negative thoughts and feelings cover and stick to the cord and the exchange of energy gets clouded. Communication is murky because there is not a clear flow of energy happening. To remedy this issue we can release the cord. Find the cord’s root in our energy field, push it in and rotate it slightly, then gently pull it out of the field. Remove and excess energy in the cord’s hole and then fill with white light or a mesh of light to fill in the hole created by the cord. When the cord is removed place the end of the cord in the Earth or connect it to Source energy. This way the person who was getting their energy from you can get their energy from another more healthy source and won’t try to re-cord you when it stops flowing to them.
Finding it hard to let go of an energy? Here are a few reasons why:
When we have a trauma or painful event happen in our lives, part of our energy or spirit will take off out of the body. Most times when it feels safe again it will come back, but sometimes it stays out of the body because it never knew that it was safe enough to come back. We don’t always know this part is missing, but we say things like…I don’t feel all here…I feel scattered…I feel confused and spacey… This is because you aren’t all the way there, part of your energy is floating around somewhere outside of your body.
If we don’t inhabit our body it creates a vacuum and that vacuum will fill up with whatever energy it comes into contact with. I have heard people complain about going to the shops or the mall because they pick up on everyone’s gunky energies . Many times these people create safety for themselves by sending part of the energy out to check out who or what is in the room so they can make a decision whether it is safe to be there. In a house situation with a few people this can be effective, but in a mall with many hundreds of people walking through this can be a draining and detrimental tool. The best approach to this is to make sure you are strong and fully present in your energy field.
When someone is fully present in their body, fully grounded in their energy field they will not pick up other people’s energies. There is no place for the other energies to attach themselves. Your outer energetic protection called your aura should be smooth, strong and enough to keep you protected when you are fully grounded into the Earth. When you see martial arts masters, they are fully connected and grounded into their energy field. They are aware of their own energy and the energy around them and are able to utilize it. They are not afraid to go into any situation because they are solidly present and no energy can harm them. Even physical interactions cannot touch them because their energy field is so strong. I have witnessed a marital arts master fling someone who was running at him at top speed without touching him, only using a wave of his hand. This is true mastery of your energy field.
In the world of relationships we sometimes meet a partner and want them to “fill in our missing pieces” this does happen energetically and it feels great for a while, but this creates a dependency on the other person to always fill this space. When that person’s energy is missing from us, we demand that they bring it back because we feel we are missing a piece of ourselves. In actuality that piece was already missing, we just covered it up with someone else’s energy for a while. The person who offered the energy in the first place thought it was a good idea at the time, thinking they were helping the other, but actually they were disempowering them. The thought process is something like…”Oh I am stronger than they are right now and I will give them the strength that I have.” This is truly not the case. If this person was able to call in their own energy and power they would be very strong. They just may have forgotten this fact, so the best, most empowering thing one can do for another is to help them call their own energy back in. Remind them that they can do this and teach them how. The real truth of the matter is that giving someone your energy is like giving them a blood transfusion with the wrong type of blood, it will eventually stagnant and become a mass of congealed energy that stops that person from actually accessing their own energy and power.
Power struggles and conflict can gunk up a cord. Negative thoughts, judgements, unhealthy patterns can all put an unhealthy layer over a cord. Overtime as this plaque grows people may find it hard to actually see the person for who they truly are through all the energetic goo.
It is possible to clear these cords using intention, focus, breath, sound and clearing energy. The way I perceive an unhealthy cord is like the inside of a vein or artery. Sometimes there are bumps and stuff stuck to the inside like cholesterol or plaque, so I feel into it with my energy and I push it through my system until it comes out my feet and goes into the Earth for composting. Sometimes I can see this, sometimes I can feel it. Before I do this process I can feel heaviness or yucky feeling, and after I feel clean and clear. In the beginning the heavy feeling would frighten me and I would not be able to release it. The more scared I was, the more it stuck to me. After many years I realized that when there is a pain or a yucky feeling the way to release it is to go straight into the centre of it and breathe into it. The things we have taken on lifetime after lifetime are there because we never wanted to face the pain of certain situations, but truly, when we dive deep into these places of pain and suffering we find they dissipate before our eyes. The pain is only a marker for us, to remind us to look deeper into this place and learn what ever lesson it has for us. Once we learn the lesson, we can release the pain and heavy energy along with it.
Ways to focus during clearing.
I use breath to keep me focused. I breathe into the stuck area and focus my love and intention there. Love is a big help with releasing energy. The places that are in pain are…in pain…they need love and acceptance from you. So instead of going in with the attitude…”I am going to get rid of this crud!” Which will only make it stick harder and come back faster. Try the approach of… “Thank you so much for reminding me about this. I love you and I now release you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Big breath and release. Imagine your energy moving into the place of pain and the other energy swishing out of your field.
Another way I use breath is to feel into the stuck spot take a deep breath and breathe into it. Imagining that the energy is moving out of my body and into the sun and burning up. Sometimes I use a yogic technique called ‘Breath of Fire’ or a very fast deep rhythmic breath to move the energy through. This kind of focused breathing is enough to clear my whole energy system, it is also useful for releasing stagnant emotional energy from the body, but this usually takes a bit longer.
Toning is another good way to focus. I will feel into the place that is stuck, take a deep breath and then make a sound with my voice. The sound will change and waver depending on how stuck the place is, when it is clear the sound will stay steady and strong.
Another way to release the energy is through movement. Dancing and jumping on a trampoline, doing stretches all of these things will help move the energy through your body. When your body is stagnant, so is your energy…
Water is great for dissolving emotional energy. Drinking lots of water and taking a shower or a salt bath, imagining that the water is dissolving all energies that are not yours and then getting sucked down the drain. Swimming in a pool, river or in the ocean is very helpful for energy movement and for the properties of water to help the energy start flowing through.
Sitting on the ground outside and allowing the energies to sink into the Earth. Putting your back against a tree and allowing the tree to remind you of your own roots as you release the excess energy into the Earth. Trees are good reminders about how to be and stay grounded.
Knowing how to clear your energy field is key to your physical, emotional, mental and energetic health and is especially important if you are working with people on a regular basis.
Joanna Albrecht is a Spiritual Healing Guide and has been working in the field of energy healing since 1995.
For more information about Joanna and her work please visit her website www.unfoldinglove.com.