Most of my life’s been spent looking for a partner, being in relationship or getting over a relationship.

For many years now I’ve been focusing every day on coming back into myself again and again to fill myself with love and security.

It’s been interesting to watch how somedays I feel complete and whole and other days I feel alone and wishing I had a partner to contemplate life with. The lonely days, however, have now turned to lonely moments…

These days when I find myself in a lonely moment I go within and ask what I am truly missing.

There are times I am driving in my car and I want to talk to someone…someone who understands who I am and how I think. It’s this feeling like I know this person already and I really just want to call them on the phone, but it’s nobody I know right now.

I think that maybe I had been looking for someone a best friend, a future romantic partner…but in these last few months a slow understanding has been forming…

The grasping for someone outside of myself feels like a never ending need, but when I come back into myself and fill myself with my own energy there is no needing or grasping, there is only peace.

But why do we have a need for connection? Why do we want a special person in our lives that fully and totally gets us?

I think that we are playing out a role here in the planet. We like to see how far we can get from remembering love and connection so we can have to fun of remembering it again and when we meet someone who we resonate with it blasts us into love consciousness. We forget about forgetting and we remember to trust and open to love again. It’s like a cheat code or a short cut to Divine Connection.

We sometimes want to live within that connection. We mistake that other person for our Divine connection because maybe we have forgotten that we have our own sweet connection to Source.

What I have found is the longer we stray from our direct connection the more that short cut to Source will start to deteriorate.

The other person is never going to be a sustainable Source of Divine love for you. They might be able to be a source for a while, but no other human is meant to be a total Source of Divine Love permanently.

The only thing that is a sure bet when it comes to connection to Divine Source is your own connection. Your crown directly connecting to Divine Source energy.

Does that mean we can’t have a partner, or if we do our partner is invalid? No, it just means that if we are coming together with a partner, our first responsibility is to our connection to Source, then our partner. Because if we have a constant direct connection to Source then that person is off the hook for making us happy. We come to the relationship happy and fulfilled. Hopefully our partner is on the same page and nurturing their direct connection to Source as well.

I contemplate again and again about if it is possible to be in relationship and maintain that connection…not just in theory but in practice. If we are truly non attached,IS it can we love another person fully enough to want to be with them and walk with them through life. Is it even necessary?

It’s been a long time since I have been in relationship…I seem to remember living with people and it being fun. There was also heartache, but there were early morning dance parties, cooking together, cuddling on couches, long talks, passion and romance…

And these days I do all of those things on in my autonomy…and I realize even though I am alone I am not lonely and I do have fun, it’s just looks different. Fulfilling in a different way. Knowing that I am the Source of my happiness can be really relaxing and calming because I am complete in the moment.

Maybe life and love are about balance. An eb and flow, inhale and exhale. Connection to other, connection to Source, Remembering, forgetting, losing, finding, together, apart, exploring and stillness.

Maybe all of it matters and maybe none of it matters, but in the end what I know for sure is that when you have a solid and loving connection with your body and your Source all the other relationships in your life become easier and more free.

My wish for you today and all days is Peace, Freedom and release from all pain and suffering.