As I lay there I felt some left over sadness that was still hanging out in my 3rd chakra I asked, “Why are you still sad?” and I got, “Because I really wanted him to be the love of my life.” and then I said ” Well he wasn’t, but if you let him go you can have that.” At that I sat straight up and laughed and laughed…(and scared a squirrel that had been sneaking up to me to see what I was doing laying on the grass looking up at the stars, which made me laugh even more…)
I realized that was it…so many times I have held on to relationships that were clearly not working out with guys that weren’t that into me…Again and again I would find these men who I thought would love and adore me the way I did them, but in the end would want me to be part of a menagerie of women, because somehow I wasn’t enough on my own…and I would try to be ok with it…thinking I was somehow being un-spiritual or unenlightened if I didn’t, when really it just made me very sad…
Tonight I realized that I want a partner who loves and adores me as I do him…not only do I want that, I am worthy of it and I deserve it. I don’t have to settle for less than that. I can actually have what I want this lifetime.
For so long I have been waiting for someone to pick me, waiting for someone to see my worth…but somehow things changed and now I see it’s not about them seeing my worth, It is about me knowing my worth, feeling it and then radiating it out into the world like a sun, and as I do it will attract in the most amazing people…people who resonate with that frequency and vibration of love…
I believe that when you truly love yourself, that is when you realize your worth…You are Divine love and when Divine love recognizes itself miracles happen…
Now I realize that I can choose an amazing relationship with an amazing man… I can choose to call that in and I can create that in my life…Not because I need it, (I am actually content being single right now.) but because it would be really fun to share my life with somebody, to laugh and giggle and explore with someone, to share fun creative days and passionate nights with them. To tell secrets to and create adventurous stories together. To wake up in the morning next to him and say, “Yaay! We get to share another day together! Woohoo let’s go explore some more life!”
I feel like something profoundly shifted tonight…it’s still integrating, but I think it’s going to change everything…