A Deeper Dive into Self Love

A Deeper Dive into Self Love

I was in love. I could feel him thinking about me and it would melt my whole body. I felt safe and open…trusting. I felt like the world was full of miracles and as long as we were together everything would be ok. We talked everyday and it felt like we were always connected, even if we were not together physically. It was like we had a telepathic bond that was always flowing energy back and forth to each other. At times I could not tell where he ended and I began. It was almost as though we were one person. 

But then slowly he stopped texting, calling and seemed irritated when I tried to initiate conversation. How could he pull away from this obvious soul mate connection? Doesn’t he crave the connection like I do? Why do I need his touch, need his connection. Why am I so needy? Why am I chasing after someone who seems to run further and further away the more I try to connect? Why do I feel so disempowered and weak? 

This story line played out many many times for me through the years. I would have a beautiful connection with someone for a while until it eventually started to dissolve and unravel and leave me in a hopeless mess. 

What I am about to share with you is my journey from feeling needy and clingy to feeling strong empowered and full of self love. 

When I started dating I had an expectation that if I dated someone and we slept together we were going to be married and be together forever. When my first relationship broke down it shattered my reality. How could this happen? I gave myself completely to this person only to have him leave. I did everything he wanted me to do, pleased him in every way sexually, but he still left. I was the perfect girlfriend almost wife like, but he didn’t appreciate everything I brought to the table. What was I missing?

In the next relationship I would try even harder to be a good girlfriend. Catering to his every need and whim only to have him get bored and eventually leave. I had one lover say to me…”You are like Chocolate cake, yummy and so sweet, but you can’t have chocolate cake even day, its too much. You’re too nice, too good, too much.”

This confused me because I thought that if I did everything he wanted, pleased him and gave him the world, he would love me and want to give it all back to me…but it never worked. The more I gave, the less I received and the faster they would run away, 

Does this sound familiar? Do you constantly give in relationship and find that your needs aren’t being met? Do you show up again and again in love only to find that the deep loving connection you thought you had with your partner has somehow scared them and driven them away? 

Have you ever heard the phrase, Treat others they way you would want to be treated?” Well in this case we have to tweak it a bit. “Treat yourself the way you would like other people to treat you.”, Here is what I realized about the energy of connection in relationships. 

The more I loved and honored myself, the deeper of a connection I could have with another person without feeling needy or clingy. When I filled myself up first with love and nurtured the connection that I had with my body and Divine Source the better my relationships became.

But if I dedicated myself entirely to the relationship, if I took my energy and love and focused it solely on my partner and sacrificed my own life to give him everything he needed, our relationship would slowly disintegrate. And here is why…

We are meant to get our primary energy and love from our connection to Divine Source. Divine Source is an unlimited energy source that we always have access to. It fills us and gives us all of the energy that we need when we are willing to receive it and are grounded in our body. 

When we get into a romantic relationship we feel safe and open ourselves up to feel more of Divine Source energy. The love we experience feels amplified and we start to believe that our partner is the Source for our love and well being. When we make that shift we go from an unlimited energy and love source to a finite one. Even though the energy we feel in a romantic relationship feels amazing it will eventually stagnate in your energy field. We are not meant to live off of another person’s energy, as romantic as that sounds. 

What happens when we start depending on that other person for our energy and love needs is that we get filled up with their energy which feels good in the beginning because it’s filling in the places we haven’t been loving ourselves. All of the sudden we feel complete and whole. But it’s not sustainable. The energy we have gotten from that other person will eventually stagnant in our body causing us to not be able to access our own energy and power. That is why we need more and more connection with our partner and why it seems like there is never enough. 

After a particularly challenging breakup I was guided into a practice of connecting with my Higher Self or the Divine Lover as I called it. The way I experienced it was like the personality aspect of God. Someone I could talk to who had access to more wisdom and knowledge that I had…but also realizing that it was also me…a higher vibrating part of me.

It is with this part of me I learned how to love myself in a more expansive way. Growing up I was told that I needed to love myself, but when I asked how you do that, no one had a good answer. I said, “Look, I am willing to love myself if you tell my exactly what to do!” No one could tell me how, so I went on a life long quest to figure out the steps. 

What the Divine Lover did for me was to give me a place to pour all of my love into and have it come back to me. I would send it as much love as I could and it would reflect back down to me in equal measure. I would sing it love songs and feel the love radiating back to me as I focused on love more and more. I would go for walks in the woods and wish I had someone to walk with and share my adventures with and I would hear…”What am I chopped liver?” Which would make me laugh. This aspect of me is often really funny and makes me laugh. 

Instead of looking for someone outside of myself to pour all of my love and attention on, I was focused on my body and my connection with my Divine Lover. I was learning how to feel love. How to feel safe enough to accept love and let it in.

Are you an over giver? When we over give to a partner it’s like a firehose of love and energy. The stream can become so strong that there is no way for the other person to give back to us. At times we have so much love building up inside of us that we feel the need to dissipate it. But what if we are given this love because we are supposed to be learning how to experience receiving it in our own body. Our body craves energy and love and we think it’s suppose to be coming from outside of ourselves, but what if the love that we think we are supposed to be giving away is actually the love we need to feel and let in? What if in order to really fully love others we have to learn how to feel this love for ourselves?

Sometimes we are scared to receive love because we don’t think we are worthy of it. If we are unable to receive love and we are being flooded with it with a constant flow from Source who knows that we need it, what can we do? We try to give it to others. We try to push this love into others and get upset when they can’t receive it…but it started with us. We were not able to receive our own love so they are actually a projection of our own unwillingness to receive our own love. 

This brings us to how we treat ourselves is how others will treat us. I remember trying to tell partners what to do, how to love me. I was trying to “Do Receiving”. OK do this and I will feel love, do that and I will feel love. But I was trying to control the love coming from others in order to feel safe.  I was trying to “Do Receiving”. Which is not receiving. It’s controlling. 

Receiving is about feeling safe enough to open. Becoming vulnerable and opening up to the love that is all around you and wants to come in. But if you are not attuned to how to do this you have to practice first with your own love with yourself. 

The way I started this process was making a list of all of the things I wish a partner would say to me. Then I made a recording of them and would listen to it daily. Next I made a love song playlist that I would listen to to get me into the vibration and feeling of love. I would take myself on dates, buy myself flowers, tell myself loving supportive things…Basically I would treat myself the way I had been treating my partners my whole life. I started pouring all of the love I was giving others into myself and things started to change. 

I no longer felt clingy or needy. I stopped looking outside of myself for love and validation because I was getting a constant stream of it daily from myself. I said “I Love You” to myself many times a day and it became my inner tape loop when I started to become worried or stressed out.

The other day I was thinking about something amazing that happened that I wanted to share with someone, but there was no one that I could think of that would understand it or appreciate it the same way I did…and then a thought popped up that said. “What would happen if you could just sit with yourself and appreciate this moment, without trying to dissipate it. Without trying to have someone else validate it for you. What if you could just sit and feel what it’s like to be in this moment. Feeling what you feel.” And that is when I realized how much we have been programmed to look outside of ourselves to get permission. Permission to feel a certain way, permission to do what we want to do or think the way we want to think. How much are we as a collective just able to feel something and just sit with and fully feel the feeling and be ok with it. 

After hearing all this you might think that I don’t think that I don’t like relationships at all, but that is not true! I love love! And someday I wish to be a loving, fulfilling healthy relationship, but in order to do that I believe I have to know on the deepest level that I have my own back and I am comfortable with giving and receiving love within my own being. If I know that I am full and complete within myself, my partner is off the hook. It’s not their job to fill me up with love and energy or to make me happy. That’s my job. Their job is to fill themselves up with love and energy and to find their own happiness so that when we come together, we get to share life as whole complete individuals helping each other to remember that connection to Source and to do what ever it is we are meant to do in the planet. 

If you are stuck in the pattern of over giving and find yourself in a running and chasing relationships and you want to find your way to self love and self worth again please go to www.joannaalbrecht.com to sign up for a free week of training. There are videos that teach you the energetics of how to release energy and attachments that keep you in an addiction loop. You will also learn how to feel safe and grounded in your body so you can start practicing giving and receiving love. Looking forward to exploring this self love journey with you!

Anxiety and what to do about it

Anxiety and what to do about it

Why you have anxiety and what you can do about it.

Much of our anxiety has to do with thinking about:

The future.

The past.

What other people are thinking or doing.

Outcomes of actions we take or don’t take.

Failing at something.

However, when look a little deeper at the energetics of it all, what we are really experiencing is our body freaking out because we are not energetically present with it.

Oversimplified, our being has two parts to it. Our physical body, which has consciousness and our energetic body which has it’s own consciousness. These two parts work together to create who we are and allow us to interact in the world as one being. The physical body needs our energetic presence to function. A physical body completely without the energetic component is dead.

Interestingly enough though, our focus and thoughts are backed by this energy. When we are thinking about the past or future, part of our energy leaves the present moment, where our physical body is and kind of time travels into the past or future.

When energy leaves our physical body, our physical body begins to lose power. It’s like using your laptop or phone without it being plugged in. It can sustain itself for a while, but when you leave for a long time or on a consistent basis your body doesn’t have what it needs to run itself.

People who are worrying about the past or future will tend to age faster, have a more challenging time staying healthy, will have more aches and pains and will tend to be more sad and have more anxiety because the physical body feels abandoned and alone. It feels like something is wrong and that it’s energy is becoming less and less and knows that when the energy is gone completely it doesn’t get to function anymore. I’d say that is a pretty good reason to be anxious. But most people don’t realize this correlation. People will take drugs, drink, eat food, or to anything to distract themselves from feeling this way, when all they really need to do is to come back into their body.

When a person is grounded and in balance with their energetic and physical body the physical body has what it needs and can do what it needs to do. There is peace and harmony in the body and the mind. The body will feel more relaxed and calm.

When stressful things are happening in our lives we might think that worrying or getting anxious is the way to figure out how to get us out of the situation we are in, but clear action can only come from a clear mind. Being in the past or in the future isn’t going to help us in the present. As we come into a calm and balanced place in our body and mind the answers will come to us instead of us traveling to find them.

If being in our body is so great, what made us leave in the first place?

Sometimes there are traumas that happen in our lives which cause our energetic body to think that it would be safer to leave the physical body. You’ve probably heard stories about people who were in huge accidents where they say that they were witnessing the incident from outside of their body.  When these traumatic incidents occur, our energy body leaves and sometimes never gets fully integrated back in when the danger is over. We never let it know that it’s safe to come back in so our physical body is left at half wattage of energy because it’s not fully connected. It doesn’t have to be a violent accident though, it can also be a verbal incident where someone says something that upsets you, or a loss of a relationship or a change in living situation, worry about politics or what is happening in the world. There are many reasons you might feel unsafe enough to leave your body.

When you are not fully present in your body the emptiness creates a vacuum. The physical body will borrow energy from around itself to get the energy it needs to survive. The easiest way to get energy is to get it from other people. When you are feeling low and someone gives you a hug, your body breathes in their energy and it fills you up and makes you feel happier and more complete…for a while. But other people’s energy will only sustain us for a short time. Soon we will be looking for more energy, more hugs or something or someone else to give us the energy we are looking for. I remember being in a relationship and getting upset at a partner because he was not giving me the love and energy I was looking for, but it was because I was always looking for more and more love and more and more energy and it wasn’t possible for them to give me what I needed, because if you are not present in your body there is no amount of energy any other person can give you that will ever fulfill your needs. Only the reintegration of your physical and energetic body can do that. This might seem like a rather unromantic view of life, but I think that if we can understand that our first relationship has to be with ourselves, that we need to fill ourselves up with our own energy first, we can be better partners and friends to the people in our lives. We aren’t looking to them to fill us up, but rather to support each other in that wholeness.

One last thing about exchanging energy with others. Although it feels amazing in the moment, when you have other people’s energy in your body it will eventually slow and stagnate, leaving you with a heaviness inside of your own energy field. When there is a foreign energy inside of your energy field a few things happen. You will get tired and feel heavy, you won’t be able to access your own energy and you won’t feel like being present in your own body because it feels yucky in there because someone else’s energy is just sitting around stagnating.

It’s like you were making out with a partner and things got hot and sweaty…they take their shirt off and it smells like them and their sweat and you love it because its a part of them…but days later you are still holding on to their sweaty shirt and its starting to smell and mold and you still love them, it’s not their fault that you are still holding on to their shirt, but they don’t want to be around you because you stink and feel gross. If you would let go of their shirt, go take a shower and free yourself or all the energy that is not yours and put your own clothes back on then the other person would be happy to be around you again.  This is all happening on an unconscious energetic level. People want to be around others who are clear, grounded and balanced in their own energy. When you can come to this place within yourself you become more attractive to others who are of that same vibration.

Back to anxiety. So what causes the anxiety? When we are looking for something outside of ourselves to make us feel better. When we want something to be different than what it is. When we want to have control over something or someone that is not us. Anxiety comes from not being in the moment and not being present on our own body. When we clear our body out of all energy that is not ours and can come back to the present moment inside of our own body the anxiety and fear dissipates and is replaced with peace and calm.

The clearing of our body and bringing ourselves back in is a process and takes time, but so does showering or brushing our teeth. We might be able to let it go for a while, but you don’t want to take too long…when you make it a daily activity it becomes easer and faster until it’s  just second nature.

If you’d like to learn more about how to clear yourself of other people’s energy and become more whole and present in your body please go to my website, and schedule a one on one session with me where I take you into your energy field to see just what you are holding onto and help you to release it and come back into your body so you can feel calm, balanced and whole again.

The next 23 years

The next 23 years

I kind of thought that after my 5 year journey of writing my book was done that I would feel accomplished…but no. I now feel like that is actually only the first step in creating what I want to create here on the planet.

When I started out at 23 learning Reiki and Shamanism, learning about healing with herbs and essential oils then working with my Cherokee Medicine man in planes of existence I didn’t even know were possible, I thought, I was too young to tell anyone about what I knew…I felt like someday I will be able to share the knowledge that I studied and experienced because you can have knowledge, but unless you have actually lived it…then you are just talking theory.

So here I am at 46. I have lived a lot of life and seen a lot of things…and most days I think…I still don’t know much…but then I see someone struggling with something that I used to struggle with, but don’t anymore….and then I think…Oh, that’s it. Maybe we don’t have to be perfect and know everything, maybe we just have to share what we know from where we are at.
There are a lot of people who need the tools that I have…I used to share them all the time, but haven’t in many years. Partially because I was traveling, or caregiving or hiding out in some crazy jungle or in a relationship that was not really working so I didn’t want anyone to know about what I was up to…

But all those experiences, all of the pain, suffering, good and bad times have gotten me here. The tools I learned when I was 23 and the 23 years that came after, have served me well and allowed me to live the life I do today…
I’m trying to figure out all of this marketing and all of these new technologies and its overwhelming at times to keep it all straight and to know what to focus on and what to do…but today I decided…
I started this whole path “by accident”. A series of little hints that brought me from one place to another one step at a time, so why should this time of my life be any different?

I’m just going to start and it might suck and it might be awesome, but I’ll never find out if I don’t try.
If you’ve been with me since the beginning of this crazy journey and you are still here, thank you…the story isn’t over yet…and it just might start to get really exciting pretty soon.

During challenging times…remember the love

During challenging times…remember the love

When bad things happen in the world it’s easy to fall into sadness, anger and rage…we might focus on the worst of the worst and think that the Earth is a terrible place… but these bad things that happen…they are only a tiny part of what is happening here on the planet. There are beautiful people helping people, there are babies being born and loved. Puppies being funny and cute, plants growing, people falling in love…flowers being smelled, snow falling on the branches so perfectly it looks like a painting…oceans so blue they look like the sky…

Yes, bad things happen in the world…but this world that we live in also has so much goodness in it…look for the helpers, look for the people who are doing good in the world. See the bad and then think to yourself…how can I make this world a better place? How can I make a difference in a good way. Love always trumps hate. Goodness will always win in the end.

No one wants to live through such hard and challenging times…but through it all we come together. Through it all we can see the beautiful love in the world and each other.

Today…even if it is just for a moment…please think of something you are thankful for…think of something beautiful…think of something that makes you smile…

It might seem like something small…but it will add to the light of the planet. It raises the vibration just a little…but if we can all do it it raises it a lot. People say that prayers and thoughts don’t matter…well they do…Your positive thoughts of love do matter and they do help…they create a place for people to rest during the hard times. They create a bubble of comfort and safety during a time of chaos. I have seen it, I have felt it and I have created it…It Is Real.

In this moment I look out at the soft snow falling on the trees outside of my window and I breathe in the clean bright purity of this moment…I breathe out love and calm strength to those who need it in the world. Breathing in love, breathing out love…breathing in peace…breathing out peace…breathing in bliss…breathing out bliss….
Breathe in this moment…focus on the beauty of right now.

You are safe and you are loved.

Your most important relationship

Your most important relationship

Most of my life’s been spent looking for a partner, being in relationship or getting over a relationship.

For many years now I’ve been focusing every day on coming back into myself again and again to fill myself with love and security.

It’s been interesting to watch how somedays I feel complete and whole and other days I feel alone and wishing I had a partner to contemplate life with. The lonely days, however, have now turned to lonely moments…

These days when I find myself in a lonely moment I go within and ask what I am truly missing.

There are times I am driving in my car and I want to talk to someone…someone who understands who I am and how I think. It’s this feeling like I know this person already and I really just want to call them on the phone, but it’s nobody I know right now.

I think that maybe I had been looking for someone a best friend, a future romantic partner…but in these last few months a slow understanding has been forming…

The grasping for someone outside of myself feels like a never ending need, but when I come back into myself and fill myself with my own energy there is no needing or grasping, there is only peace.

But why do we have a need for connection? Why do we want a special person in our lives that fully and totally gets us?

I think that we are playing out a role here in the planet. We like to see how far we can get from remembering love and connection so we can have to fun of remembering it again and when we meet someone who we resonate with it blasts us into love consciousness. We forget about forgetting and we remember to trust and open to love again. It’s like a cheat code or a short cut to Divine Connection.

We sometimes want to live within that connection. We mistake that other person for our Divine connection because maybe we have forgotten that we have our own sweet connection to Source.

What I have found is the longer we stray from our direct connection the more that short cut to Source will start to deteriorate.

The other person is never going to be a sustainable Source of Divine love for you. They might be able to be a source for a while, but no other human is meant to be a total Source of Divine Love permanently.

The only thing that is a sure bet when it comes to connection to Divine Source is your own connection. Your crown directly connecting to Divine Source energy.

Does that mean we can’t have a partner, or if we do our partner is invalid? No, it just means that if we are coming together with a partner, our first responsibility is to our connection to Source, then our partner. Because if we have a constant direct connection to Source then that person is off the hook for making us happy. We come to the relationship happy and fulfilled. Hopefully our partner is on the same page and nurturing their direct connection to Source as well.

I contemplate again and again about if it is possible to be in relationship and maintain that connection…not just in theory but in practice. If we are truly non attached,IS it can we love another person fully enough to want to be with them and walk with them through life. Is it even necessary?

It’s been a long time since I have been in relationship…I seem to remember living with people and it being fun. There was also heartache, but there were early morning dance parties, cooking together, cuddling on couches, long talks, passion and romance…

And these days I do all of those things on in my autonomy…and I realize even though I am alone I am not lonely and I do have fun, it’s just looks different. Fulfilling in a different way. Knowing that I am the Source of my happiness can be really relaxing and calming because I am complete in the moment.

Maybe life and love are about balance. An eb and flow, inhale and exhale. Connection to other, connection to Source, Remembering, forgetting, losing, finding, together, apart, exploring and stillness.

Maybe all of it matters and maybe none of it matters, but in the end what I know for sure is that when you have a solid and loving connection with your body and your Source all the other relationships in your life become easier and more free.

My wish for you today and all days is Peace, Freedom and release from all pain and suffering.