What do you do when the person that you love says they don’t love you in the same way?
Well, first you cry because your heart that was so very open is probably beginning to shut down…but if you put your hands on your heart and breathe…feel everything…then allow yourself to stay open…something amazing happens…you can begin to heal in that moment. Remind your heart how much you much you love it and that you are going to be ok. You are safe and you are loved.
Begin to bring yourself back from them and into you. This means breathing your energy, that had been flowing so strongly to this other person back into your own body and then returning their energy back to them. This is not always easy…The comforting feeling of your lovers energy probably feels like home…you think that if you let go of this energy this person and this feeling of loving home will be lost to you forever…but it’s not true.
The people you have loved…all of them…are always going to be connected to you. You can cut a million energy cords and do many rituals to try to stop thinking of them, but in the end we are all connected, all of us. Some of us share stronger bonds than others, but all of us are connected by threads of love that might be turned down, but they never go away.
The main thing to remember during this time is that you are not alone. The loneliness that you might feel is your own self thinking that if this person doesn’t love you, that you are not worthy of love. It is your job as caretaker of your beautiful body and soul to now nurture this being of love called You. You need to take over the role of lover now. You need to love and nurture this lovely one and let her know that you believe in her worth. You believe she is good enough, strong enough and worthy of love. Tell her all of the things she was wanting to hear from the other person…give her the soft touches and comfort of love that she has been craving. You know her better than anyone else…take this time to show her how to stay open to love…even during this time when love seems like it is going away, remind her that it is still right here…it might not be easy, but you can do this. You can begin to establish a loving relationship with you again.
In loving another we often lose our sense and love of self, but during this vulnerable time when the heart is most open you can use it to go deeper in a loving relationship with yourself. Listen to loving music and sing yourself love songs. Take yourself out on dates. Dance with yourself. Allow your hands to loving feel your entire body, like a lover would, from head to toe and awaken your body’s energy. Breathe into the places that are unfeeling and invite them to feel again. This is all part of reminding yourself that you are safe and you are loved whether you have a partner or not. This relationship that you have with your body is the first and last relationship you will ever have so you might as well make it a good one.
It takes courage to keep an open heart when it seems like love is going away, but if you love yourself…truly love yourself like you would a lover…then it will be an easier transition and maybe you might find that the love you thought was going away…never actually changed…but your relationship to you had…and now you have the gift of being able to open up to you again which will allow you to open up to an even greater love you had ever thought possible…
10 things you can do to create a more loving and fulfilling relationship with yourself
by Joanna Albrecht
Many of us think we are familiar with our physical body. We have had it our whole lifetime, have seen it change from year to year as we get older, we feel hunger and we eat, we feel tired and we rest. It seems we are in touch with the needs of the body and have a good working relationship with it…but there are other messages the body has for us that might not be so apparent.
Sometimes we feel lonely and afraid, sometimes disconnected and scattered. Often times these are symptoms of not being fully connected or integrated into our spirit body. I had always had the understanding that the physical body was the home for the spirit body, but recently I had to reason to rethink this premise. The spirit body is made up of many layers and levels of vibration that are much vaster than we can imagine. The physical body, while wonderful and amazing is only a tiny piece of this construct. It is the vehicle that our spirit body gets to express itself and yet the only way it can do that is if it is fully integrated into the physical body. The body offers itself for us to be manifest and physically present this lifetime here on the planet, in return we work with it and share with it our energy, knowledge and love. We enter into this lifetime with our first loving and sacred relationship. But somewhere along our journey… we forget this. We forget how to communicate with the body, how to love and share energy with our body and we start to feel tired, sadness and loneliness.
When we feel sad and lonely, many times this is the body asking us to come back to it. The body is saying…”Hey, remember me? I thought we had a loving and sacred relationship. I thought we were here to work together this life time. Where are you? I feel alone.” Often times the spirit body is off thinking about people, projects, or the stories and dramas of the world. We think of the past, the future, anything but what is happening in the body at this moment in time.
When the Physical body is disconnected from the Spirit body it starts to break down. It does not have the energy it needs to maintain itself. We tend to get aches and pains, illness, tiredness…these things are the body’s way of asking us to pay attention. “Hello, remember me? I have an issue I would like to talk to you about and I am going to bring up these uncomfortable feeling for you as a reminder until you are ready to listen to me.” If we address these issues and focus into and feel the pain fully and completely, we are acknowledging the physical body’s request to become more present and to listen to what it has to say. Pain will often dissipate in moments because we are: 1. Giving the body the energy and love it needs to repair itself. 2. We are listening to the physical body and acknowledging the issue the body wants us to notice.
Physical pain can also be a stagnant block of emotion. When we don’t want to deal with an emotional issue we will place it our energy field to deal with it at a later time. This energy doesn’t go anywhere it simply sits in our field waiting for the time we revisit it and release it. Some blocks will quietly go unnoticed for many years without incident, until one day when they get woken up. A seemingly simple problem gets blown out of proportion and we feel pain in our body and emotions that are off the chart. This incident has triggered the past trauma that is now coming up to be released.
One of the keys of Spirit Body integration is to focus into the pain to find out what the root cause is. The pain is the perfect sign post to find blocks to release. Focus on these places and breathe into them full embodying them with our love and attention. Ask them what they would like to share with you. Help the body to feel safe and comfortable again. Feeling fully supported and loved.
The original pain comes from us not being full present in the area. An event happens that frightens us and we tend to run from pain because we don’t want to feel it, but the very act of running from it, makes it worse. Being with it fully and completely will help it to release and heal very quickly. I have seen intense pain dissolve by simply breathing and focusing on expanding the painful area and embracing and acknowledging it with love.
When our spirit body is fully and completely in loving presence with the physical body our lives our easier and our relationships closer and more loving. Have you ever heard the concept “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself first?” Here is the reason why… When you enter into a relationship that makes you forget everything but how much in love that you are, it feels great! You are so in love and they are so in love with you…you start to focus all you time on them ignoring your own life and just wanting to please this other person because they give you so much happiness. Eventually what happens is that your body begins to get sad. “How come you don’t love me that much? How come you focus so much on this other person and not on me?” What we sometimes interpret this feeling as, “I miss my lover…I want to speak to them again” When we do see our lover we feel better for a while, but we are never quite satisfied, because the lonely feelings are not coming from not being with this other person, the feelings are coming from our body wanting us to be with us.
This doesn’t only happen with romantic relationships, it happens with many caregivers I know who throw themselves into their work with others, only to find at the end of the day they feel tired and lonely. Their body is seeing the amazing amount of love and dedication they are putting into others when they are barely taking care of themselves. Most wish they could find someone to take care of them in the same way and yet the same thing applies as in romantic relationships. Others can only give us a quick fix, the real love and healing we are searching for is from ourselves.
Our Spirit Body Relationship is such an important piece of the puzzle many of us miss. If the relationship with the self is solid and loving we will attract the same solid loving friendships and romantic relationships filled with love into our lives.
10 things you can do to create a more loving and fulfilling relationship with yourself:
- Take the time to get to know you again. Sit in silence for at least 20 minutes a day and allow your body to speak to you. It may open up right away or it may take many tries until your body trusts you to actually listen to it. Be patient and loving, it will eventually open up to you when it feels safe enough.
- Take the time to touch your body. Starting from the top of your head work all the way down telling each body part how much you love and appreciate it. Say it like you mean it and focus into each and every part of your body. Notice if have any resistance to loving a specific body part, these are the parts that need extra love. When you come across pain or tightness dive into this place and ask yourself…what are you trying to tell me? How can I help you with this?
- Look into your eyes in the mirror and say “I Love You” Say it until you feel really comfortable with looking into your eyes and loving yourself.
- Get naked and look into the mirror. Let your body know that you appreciate everything it does and all it has done for you and it is perfect just as it is right now. Focusing on the parts of yourself you usually give a hard time to. Spend extra time giving those parts love.
- Dance with yourself. Dance with your reflection in the mirror or window. Dance with your shadow on the wall. Put on your favorite music and find the groove that you can really get into with your body.
- Sing a song for yourself. Allow your voice to sing from you. When you feel safe and loved your body will open up to its true voice, not the voice you use when other people are around, this is a voice that is natural and free from inhibitions. This is your sacred voice, it sounds deeper and more resonant than your everyday voice. Experiment with it.
- Dedicate love songs to yourself. Co-dependent love songs take on a whole new meaning when you sing them to yourself…
- Take yourself out on a date. Spend a special day or night doing something that you want to do and notice how your body feels as you take it on adventures and ask it how it loves the different things you are doing together. Take time and really listen to what it has to say and how it feels.
- Take time to sit by the ocean, river or pond. Close your eyes and listen to nature. Being in nature allows your body to feel safe, open and free to speak to you more clearly.
10. Create some art. Art is a co-creative process inspiration and movement. Explore what artistic modalities really bring out your inner self.
Some people think that loving yourself is selfish and egotistical. But I have found that people who have these tendencies are often not truly loving themselves. They are coming from a place of lack and looking for love in ways that are fleeting and material. When someone truly loves themselves they are clear present and you can feel love from them flowing out. They feel relaxed, open and free. The old saying “Love others as you would love yourself” makes more sense if you actually have an amazing relationship with yourself. I believe when we truly love ourselves we are able to love others in a deeper and more sacred way. We come from a place of fullness and completeness instead of a person who is only half present waiting for another person to fill in our missing pieces.
Another thing about having a wonderful relationship with yourself is that you will attract others with this same ability to love themselves. Instead of two incomplete people looking for a piece of their puzzle, you become two complete fully loving people looking for someone to share the amazing miracle life has to share.
As you begin this new relationship with your body you will start to experience it as a relaxing and opening process that allows the body to feel safe and loved as we invite the Spirit body back in to create a deeper connection on many levels.
People have reported receiving a sense of coming home and a calm peace they haven’t felt in a long time if ever. They feel more embodied, connected to themselves and the universe with a deep sense of being totally and completely loved and empowered.
Joanna Albrecht is an international spiritual, energetic and intuitive healing guide, published writer, workshop leader founder and teacher of The Spirit Body Integration Method.
For more information please visit her website http://unfoldinglove.com
To inquire about a session call 207 812 8480