What do you do when the person that you love says they don’t love you in the same way?
Well, first you cry because your heart that was so very open is probably beginning to shut down…but if you put your hands on your heart and breathe…feel everything…then allow yourself to stay open…something amazing happens…you can begin to heal in that moment. Remind your heart how much you much you love it and that you are going to be ok. You are safe and you are loved.
Begin to bring yourself back from them and into you. This means breathing your energy, that had been flowing so strongly to this other person back into your own body and then returning their energy back to them. This is not always easy…The comforting feeling of your lovers energy probably feels like home…you think that if you let go of this energy this person and this feeling of loving home will be lost to you forever…but it’s not true.
The people you have loved…all of them…are always going to be connected to you. You can cut a million energy cords and do many rituals to try to stop thinking of them, but in the end we are all connected, all of us. Some of us share stronger bonds than others, but all of us are connected by threads of love that might be turned down, but they never go away.
The main thing to remember during this time is that you are not alone. The loneliness that you might feel is your own self thinking that if this person doesn’t love you, that you are not worthy of love. It is your job as caretaker of your beautiful body and soul to now nurture this being of love called You. You need to take over the role of lover now. You need to love and nurture this lovely one and let her know that you believe in her worth. You believe she is good enough, strong enough and worthy of love. Tell her all of the things she was wanting to hear from the other person…give her the soft touches and comfort of love that she has been craving. You know her better than anyone else…take this time to show her how to stay open to love…even during this time when love seems like it is going away, remind her that it is still right here…it might not be easy, but you can do this. You can begin to establish a loving relationship with you again.
In loving another we often lose our sense and love of self, but during this vulnerable time when the heart is most open you can use it to go deeper in a loving relationship with yourself. Listen to loving music and sing yourself love songs. Take yourself out on dates. Dance with yourself. Allow your hands to loving feel your entire body, like a lover would, from head to toe and awaken your body’s energy. Breathe into the places that are unfeeling and invite them to feel again. This is all part of reminding yourself that you are safe and you are loved whether you have a partner or not. This relationship that you have with your body is the first and last relationship you will ever have so you might as well make it a good one.
It takes courage to keep an open heart when it seems like love is going away, but if you love yourself…truly love yourself like you would a lover…then it will be an easier transition and maybe you might find that the love you thought was going away…never actually changed…but your relationship to you had…and now you have the gift of being able to open up to you again which will allow you to open up to an even greater love you had ever thought possible…
Dec 11th I met the love of my life, Rob, in Cancun, Mexico. Rob and I had known each other for about 3 years through facebook. We shared things and helped each other through life’s trials, but it wasn’t until about 6 months before we met that we started to really get to know each other.
We started to share our thoughts on a deeper level and although I thought he was a really interesting person before, I was beginning to see that this person who I had been talking to for so long…was like me…the things he would say would be something that I would say, except from a different point of view, one that was fascinating and intriguing. It was weird because, here was this person I thought that I knew, but unfolding before me was this amazing man…someone who was more amazingly than anyone I had ever met. I looked forward to our chats together everyday and sometimes we would be up until very late in the morning talking to each other.
One day I got a new webcam and wanted to show him my roomates and my room. When I finally saw him on video, my heart stopped. He was the most beautiful man I had even seen. I know, I know, yes I had seen pictures of him, but for some reason I saw his face on video and everything changed…
That night was talked for a long time, but mostly just gazed at each other and cried…how is it that this person…someone we had never met in person…could invoke such emotion? But here we were…it was like we had been waiting for one another this whole lifetime…and we finally found each other…
After that night we talked often. No matter how hard of a day I had, when I could hear his voice or see his beautiful face, it would make everything better. He felt the same.
I used to wonder how people could just talk for hours to each other about things…but here we were, sharing everything all the time and never running out of things to say…laughing, crying, sharing and loving…
We talked about meeting and wondered when would be a good time and place. We had both had difficult past stories of going to meet a lover over seas and having a really challenging experiences, so we wanted to meet on neutral terms, somewhere neither of us lived. Somewhere we could travel together as equals.
With the Winter Solstice coming up I mentioned that maybe we could meet in Mexico for an event called Synthesis. He agreed and we began our arrangements.
We met Dec 11th. 2012 in Cancun Mexico and started our Super Adventure Love Tour.
It has been so nice having my own bed and a place to put all of my clothes and things. I have enjoyed being in a house full of loving people. I have learned and transformed so much here with everyone. We have helped and loved each other up so much. I now feel full and ready for the next leg of my journey…
She actually had told me about this event a few months ago, but my world was so up in the air back then…I couldn’t really make a proper decision, but the other day I really got that it was time to get my things together and go.
It’s funny how life is…when I was couch surfing I just really wanted my own space…and although I have had to share a room with 2 people in the place I am staying now, I feel like I did get that peaceful space…and now that I have had a moment to rest it’s time to get moving again. My gypsy nature is emerging and my heart is filled with love and adventure once more…
I am not sure what this new adventure will bring, but I know it will not be boring…and I do know…it will be filled with love <3
Today I learned how fun and miraculous it s to follow the flow. Woke up early and had great chats with Mark, the person I was staying with, but soon after we were done I felt like I needed to go. And Mark said, “Oh you need to meet someone.” Got ready quickly and left. I delivered flyers for my workshop around and then was on my way to Chocolatree when the energy said “Not today” so I said “OK” and walked on . I went to my other coffee shop called Heart of Sedona where I ordered a chai and met a friend from California. I soon walked on to New Frontiers grocery store where I saw this guy talking about his Amethyst and holding up a piece. I checked it out and asked to see more. Turns out he is a miner and he digs up rocks all over. As we were talking we had such a great connection and were channeling to each other exactly what we needed to hear in that moment. It’s amazing how you can meet a person and in that instant feel like you have known them your entire life and beyond. Knowing we would see each other again we exchanged numbers and moved on.
I continued walking to the next grocery store and saw this lady sitting outside looking fancy, so I told her how fancy she looked today and she said “I don’t feel very fancy” and I replied “Oh yes very fancy!” We started talking and she told me about her dreams of creating a safe and sacred retreat for women. I encouraged her and gave her a some home work to do gave her some big hugs and then I went into the store. I was thirsty so I was standing in line with my water when I felt that I just needed to go right then. I left my water and walked out the door and as I walked out Reiki Rob was walking up.
I met Reiki Rob on my second day in Sedona at Chocolatree. He and his friends were all talking and I kinda scooched into their space to be near some extra bright and shiny people who were talking about consciousness. When he was leaving we exchanged cards and hugs.
So here was Reiki Rob again! We hugged and then I asked if I could walk around with him for a while. We walked and talked and he said he was getting a ride to Cottonwood with his tenants. I asked if I could go along and he said sure!
We all hopped into the car and headed out. Rob was explaining that he was looking for someone to rent out part of a room in the house and I said that I would be interested. We went back to his house and the energy was awesome. Massage table in the living room. Prayer flags up on the wall. Healing music playing and the view of the Thunder mountain is right out side the sliding glass doors of my bedroom.
We sorted out money issues and then I had a space 🙂 Yaaay! Everyone is lovely. Lots of hugs and we are creating a consciousness shifting and healing center together! Woohoo How does it get any better than that? Rob says, “I don’t know. Let’s find out!”
Later Rob’s lover came over and we went to the Stupa and walked around it, then we went to eat at this church and met many really sweet elderly people. After dinner we walked the Labyrinth then Rob’s partner and I went to the place I was staying to get my stuff. My sweet friend Soham was there and I got a chance to connect with him and share some pure white angelic light and happiness with him. (Such a pure wonderful soul)
All my bags went into the car and then it was back to my new home to watch The Zohan. (Very funny movie from Adam Sandler) After the movie we went out to Karaoke, which was super fun! We all sang a few songs danced and had a great time!
We went home and I settled into my new bed. I am not sleeping much though…the energy is extra high here. Hopefully after I finish this I will get another nap in…
I am in an amazingly passionate and loving relationship… with myself. It wasn’t always this way…it has been an on again off again on again relationship. When I was growing up I thought that my life purpose was to find a partner and please them. If I did this I was fulfilling my destiny. But throughout all of my relationships, I never had a sense of peace. I was always worried, wondering if love would end…and eventually it always did.
I had been focused outside of myself for so long. Pouring love on men who didn’t appreciate me, who didn’t see me for the amazing person I was and there was a part of me that had to watch as time and time again I would spend my energy loving others only to deny love for myself that I so deeply needed. I had been through many “lesson relationships” where I had given my power away to others. After a particularly bad breakup, I went into my heart to ask why I gave my power away. I realized that the thought of being responsible for my own power was overwhelming. Like Marianne Williamson writes…”Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate; our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I had seen how my intensions manifested things in the world and somewhere inside of myself I thought I was not worthy to wield this power. I knew that I could affect things by my thoughts and through my will and I couldn’t always be sure I was coming from the most clear and loving place. I wanted my power to be used for the highest good…but I knew I wasn’t quite clear enough to know what that was. Who am I, what is my purpose? Am I a good person? Why do I feel so bad about myself? Why am I so hard on myself? What did I do to feel this awful? And again, Marianne’s words rang true for me. ” It’s not that you feel like you did anything bad, you just feel like you are bad. Period.”
One day I began putting together a list of qualities I wanted my perfect partner to have and what I would like this partner to do for me. I want them to be beautiful, spiritual, intelligent, well read, like nature, have a good job, like to travel, like the music I like, good kisser, etc. I wanted to be courted, to receive flowers and get taken dancing, to go for long walks and talk about spirit and the meaning of life, watch sunsets together…
I looked at my list one day and it occurred to me, that in order to attract this into my life I need to be these things too. I needed to become the mirror of the person I wanted to attract. I decided to give myself all of the things that I was waiting to get from another person. I took myself on dates, I bought myself flowers, every Friday I would go to this local Irish pub and order a Veggie burger and pear cider to take myself out on a date, I wrote myself poetry and love songs. I even made up dances and danced for myself. During the day I would tell myself, “I love you” “You are my beautiful girl” “You are doing a good job” “Everything is going to be OK”
Something inside of me started to shift.
My body which was always tense, stressed and guarded, started to relax and open up. I became aware of the love that was all around me and for the first time I realized I deserved this love too!
Ponta, an amazing Spiritual healer and close friend of mine gave me the book, “The Prospering Power of Love” by Catherine Ponder and I started saying affirmations… “I am Divine Love.” “Unconditional Love is flowing to me and through me Now.” After a few weeks I started to radiate Love and a Light that was almost tangible. The harsh thoughts I had about myself started to fade and I began to fall in Love with not only myself, but everyone and everything around me. Everywhere I went I saw love. I saw Love in the trees. I saw Love on the sidewalk. I saw Love in the people’s eyes all around me. It seems that the Love I was looking for was within me the whole time. The key was to love myself so fully and completely that I couldn’t help but love all those around me. It was just a natural side affect. At the beginning it was difficult. I would cry because somewhere inside I felt like a hurt child who hadn’t been talked to or given love in so many years. I had been ignoring her and if I did speak to her I said so many negative things, about her body about every mistake she made. I was harsher on her than I was with anyone else in my life. She needed a break and needed to be sure that I was truly going to be loving and gentle with her from now on. I had to regain her trust with gentle words and kindness. I had to remember the times that I spent alone growing up. How I would take walks in the fields by my house with just my tape recorder, and make up songs and do nature documentaries about the plants and trees. I remembered how I used to make up stories to entertain myself. Because my mother and I moved a lot when I was little I was the only constant friend that I had, so I became my true best friend. As I remembered this love I had for myself, I slowly started to relax and opened up and my gifts and wisdom started coming up from within. Before I found this love, I could be in a room of people, getting hugged and loved up, but I would still feel alone. I had gotten so mad at others for not giving me enough love, but now that I give myself what I need, I truly feel taken care of and absolutely safe and truly Loved by myself and everyone around me.
Healers take care of so many people and we sometimes forget that we are one of those people that need to be taken care of. As we take the time to fall in love with ourselves we become overflowing with love, feel safe enough to open fully and as we do we start to expand our capacity for love. We open like a flower to the sun and as we do everyone starts to shine, emanating this frequency of unconditional love and when people are around us they can’t help but feel it to. When we love ourselves fully and completely without conditions it gives others the opportunity to love themselves without conditions. We simply hold the space of love in our own being and it radiates out. We don’t need to do anything other than be present for healing to occur for the other person. Their frequency rises by just being in our presence. When our minds are peace filled and loving within, we can have loving thoughts for others in our outside world. When we are loving to ourselves it gives people the permission to be loving to themselves. And eventually they realize that the love they were looking for was inside of themselves the whole time.
