Vulnerable Exploration in the Waves

Vulnerable Exploration in the Waves

I have been receiving a lot of deep energetic healing lately as well as massage sessions as I go through this meditation process…
Yesterday as I was coming out of a session I felt more vulnerable than I have felt in a long time. I couldn’t stop crying, I made my way over to the Lake and watched the waves and reminded myself that the waves of emotions that were crashing over me would soon calm…

There is something about going into these emotions, fully feeling them without trying to stop them…Oh I tried to stop them every once in a while…texted a friend, tried to distract myself from the moment…but then I remembered this time many years ago when I was just learning about healing…

I was Quantum Leaping in consciousness, working, studying and doing healing during the day, doing dream work at night, taking massive amounts of herbs and fasting for body cleansing. Then one night I was in a deep meditation and I just sat up out of my body. I looked around the room and freaked out a bit when I looked back and saw my body…I then looked over at the phone and was thinking, “Who can I call to help me with this?” But then it dawned on me…you can’t use a phone when you don’t have a body…

Eventually I was able to settle myself back into my physical body…but that experience serves as a reminder to me…

Sometimes during this intense exploration of consciousness we go deeper than we have gone before. It might seem scary, it might seem like we need help. but these things we are experiencing…it is us exploring us…no other person is going to be able to guide you through your process…the best that can happen is you reach out to someone who can make you feel more at ease or calm you, but this time of learning…it’s something only you can do for you….and as terrifying as it might seem during the process, once the waves settle you come out with a greater clarity.

When I go through these intense sessions I am reminded of a poem by Maira Rainer Rilke

That some day, emerging at last from the terrifying vision
I may burst into jubilant praise to assenting angels!
That of the clear-struck keys of the heart not one may fail
to sound because of a loose, doubtful or broken string!
That my streaming countenance may make me more resplendent
That my humble weeping change into blossoms.
Oh, how will you then, nights of suffering, be remembered
with love. Why did I not kneel more fervently, disconsolate
sisters, more bendingly kneel to receive you, more loosely
surrender myself to your loosened hair? We, squanderers of
gazing beyond them to judge the end of their duration.
They are only our winter’s foliage, our sombre evergreen,
one of the seasons of our interior year, -not only season,
but place, settlement, camp, soil and dwelling.

During the process it seems like it will last forever and there is a fair amount of wanting it to end quickly but if you can remember that this is a time of deep learning and transformation. When you come out of this you will have a deeper understanding of what your truth is…a deeper clarity. So if in the midst of these stormy waves  you can remember to breathe and pay attention to what is happening.

Today the storms have all past and I feel lighter and more clear than I have in a while. I look back on yesterday as a journey into dissolving the walls I had been building around my heart, that I didn’t even know were there…and I feel so grateful for the experience.


If you love someone, set them free

If you love someone, set them free

I had a deep healing last night and today I felt like I had let go of everything and everyone…

I noticed that I can love everyone so much more when I am not attached to them.

It seems so ironic…I know, but if you love someone…set them free…

I think I know what that means now….Letting someone go is the only real way you can love them….because only from a place of detachment can you see that person for who they truly are…not the Attachment Story.

The Attachment Story is the filter you put up between you and another person that causes you to only see them from your point of view. Their thoughts feelings and emotions go out the window and you project onto them what your thoughts hopes and dreams are…”I will love them only if they do what I want and if they don’t do what I want I will attack them….”

What they want is not as important as them fitting into your story line…it’s very twisted, but it happens all the time and people see it as normal…until you break it apart and look at it.

People can become quite upset at the ones they say they love if they don’t full fill their part in the made up role they are supposed to be playing.

Wouldn’t it actually be more loving to let go? Let go of that person you love every day. Making every day a new day of exploration with them. They are new, you are new…seeing each other with fresh eyes. And through a place of detachment. They become another person separate from you. You get to learn them all over again.

Letting go can be scary at first because you might think that attachment and control mean love and the only way they will stay is because of an obligation attachment….but you can only control someone for so long and when you get tired or they get tired, things start to break down.

Setting our lover free in every moment we can meet them again and again. Fall in love again and again…and when we give up our control it frees them to choose us again and again. Because doesn’t it feel better to be chosen from a sense of freedom and not obligation?

I used to think it took a strong person to think this way…but more and more I have begun to realize, it just takes someone with the courage to let go. To free the ones they love continuously so they can be free too…letting go is not an act of war…it is a loving act of peace.

When you have an Attachment Story about someone, you in essence enslave them to your way of being, and if you have enslaved another you then in turn become a slave…

If you truly want to love your fellow humans…

Free your prisoners…
Free yourself…

What if you already have access to that perfect lover?

What if you already have access to that perfect lover?

One of my favorite things to experience is love. I love falling in love, being in love, seeing other people in love…Love is my thing…it’s my super power…
However…something interesting has been lately. I have been vacillating between wanting a partner to fall in love with and tapping into the Divine love within…
The interesting part is…when I think about having a partner, I get a little sad. Mostly because I am focusing on the lack of having one, but also, I think, because putting my focus of love outside of myself makes me feel sad. It basically tells me that I am not enough and in order to feel love I need someone outside of myself to feel it…and that is a lie…and lies always feel a bit yucky…
I was driving home last night having this discussion in my head and decided to tap into my Divine Lover…my Divine Lover is that part of myself that knows me, understands me and kind of feels like a more mature, future me. It’s kind of like a middle personality between me and God, if that makes sense. It shows up as a strong masculine presence for me. I think that some people experience it as Jesus or a guardian angel… I don’t think it’s unique to me, this is just how I process the experience.
So I started a dialog and it asked me, “Ok so what do you want to talk to your best friend about?” I talked at length about what was going on in my life, my hopes and fears, wishes for the future…and my Divine Lover talked to me about it all, letting me know how proud he was of me and how it is challenging, but I am doing a good job and the tough times aren’t going to last forever.
Knowing that I can tap into this presence anytime I want to makes me relax and feel safe and loved…Even if I did have a human lover, they would be able to show up 100% all the time and this presence is always there…
Today I am thankful for this loving presence in my life <3
And thank you for being present on my journey <3
Letting go of the past

Letting go of the past

Your thoughts, feelings and emotions all resonate at a certain frequency and vibration. When you tell the story of your past you tune into that specific frequency of energy and vibration. This is unwanted for a lot of reasons but one of the main reasons is, if it is an unpleasant memory it makes you feel bad, second it puts you in a negative mind loop, where you keep repeating the same thoughts over and over and the energy gets stronger and stronger and snowballs the energy. When that happens you not only start resonating at the same frequency again but you actually become a magnet that attracts similar energy to you. This is why people tend to repeat unwanted relationships… if you keep talking about the things you didn’t like in the last relationship you will call it in again because you keep recreating that same vibration every time you talk about it.

A part of us will always want to try to fix the past by bringing up old stories, but there is no changing what has happened, you can only shift the energy of this present moment to make sure you create a better future.

When you find yourself thinking of something that happened in the past or re-living a story, say. ‘Present moment. Forward thinking.’ This will bring you back to this moment and shift your ‘Thought Stream’ into a new direction. And when I say ‘Thought Stream’ I mean it. If you knew the intensity of the flow of energy you are using to think about the past it would amaze you. When you are able to shift all of that energy into the present moment and point it to where you would like to go, your life will move forward faster than you knew was possible.

Sometimes we focus on the past because we may be afraid of what comes next. The past, even if it was a crappy past, seems safer than an unknown future… But most of us are only afraid of the future because we are afraid we may repeat the past, but we will only repeat the past if we keep thinking about it…there in lies the cycle. There are all of these organizations that keep saying, ‘We should remember the past! Lest we forget!’ Let’s just talk about the word Remember for a moment. Re-member we are putting back together, we are Re-membering something that has happened in the past. We are literally bringing it back together and creating the energy of it again and again.

I believe a more productive way to create a better future is to actually create a better future. Think about what you want to create and then take the steps to make it happen. The same goes for your new relationship. Create in your mind’s eye what you would like to experience, then go one step further and bring up the feelings you would like to feel in this new relationship. Bring them up every day. Feel them as much as you can. Have as much fun as you can. Talk to your future partner, have fun with them, go for walks and talk to them. Feel what it feels like to be in their presence. This brings you into the vibration and frequency of what you wish to create. When you are in the frequency for long enough you become a magnet for that same frequency to come in. Eventually a new partner can’t help but come in, and when they do it will feel easy and natural, like they have been with you for a long time…because in essence… they have, you have been in each other’s same energy and frequency for as long as you have been calling it in.

Releasing Attachments and Other People’s Energy

Releasing Attachments and Other People’s Energy

When I go into someone’s energyfield I see energetic attachment cords as ribbons or streamers. Depending on how intricate the relationship they can also weave themselves together. I actually saw something that looked like a woven vest.   It is possible to unravel and release these cords and when you do you will feel much freer. I think the thing that most people don’t realize is that the intrinsic nature of having the cord makes you not want to release it, it makes you want to hold on to it for dear life, but as soon as you release it, all of it. You are free and there is no pain. The pain only comes in because of the holding on. It is the act of not letting it go that creates the suffering. The closer you are to letting it go, the more it tries to hold on. It is a great act of courage to let go because it can sometimes feel like you are going to die, sometimes feels like something bad will happen to you or someone else if you do, sometimes it can feel like it’s just the wrong thing to do. Before you let something go there is an unknown. You know what your life has been like with this attachment. Even if this attachment has been hurting you or making your life a complete hell, it is a known hell. You know what life is like with it, you have created your life around it. You don’t know what your life will be like without it.

But here is where it gets interesting… When we interweave our energy with another person our perception is filtered through their eyes. The cords we have with them allow us to see life through their filter, which is interesting and fun sometimes, but what happens if we don’t unravel ourselves periodically is that we forget our vision and how to see life through our own eyes and filter. Why is this important? Well, we have a job to do this lifetime. We have a specific frequency that we radiate and emanate that creates a change in the world only we can express. Other people flavor our perception and outlook and that is beautiful, but you don’t want to get saturated with another person’s vision or energy. When this happens there is a distortion of your vision and purpose and a couple things happen. The person you are with starts to lose interest in you. The reason being, you aren’t resonating with your own frequency anymore. You are now more them than you are you. People get attracted to other people because of their uniqueness. When you become the same as another person or you start to live your life to please them you lose the very thing that person was attracted to. Many people get into relationships and are deeply saddened because they give their lives over to make the other person happy.  When the relationship ends they say, but I did everything for them, I did everything right, why didn’t they want to be with me? That is exactly the reason. Even in the most loving of relationships, if you do not take the time to come back to yourself there is always a tendency to lose yourself within it. Which means, you lose your identity and this happens when you take on too much of another person’s energy.

There is also another thing that happens. When you give all of your time and attention to another person, it saturates them with your energy, which is great and fun for a while, but eventually that person will begin to feel suffocated with your energy because there is more of your energy in their space than theirs. It’s kind of like getting a blood transfusion with the wrong kind of blood. It feels good for a while, then it slowly stagnates and becomes stuck in the energyfield and that person can’t access their own energy easily. When they look into their energy field to see what is wrong they see you and your energy and that makes them want to take space from you. By taking your energy back and giving them back their energy it creates space between the both of you and allows for a feeling of freedom.

People often create these cords and exchange energy because when you merge with another person it feels so good that you would like to have that feeling on tap forever. So in in essence, tap into their energyfield to make sure you can find them and connect in whenever you want.  They are also created to give you a false sense of security. If that cord is there they are connected to you and you don’t have to worry about them leaving you. The fault in this thinking is that the cords get gunky and twisted around and create the issues I talked about above. Also when there is a cord present there is more of a chance you will feel insecure because you will be able to feel if that person is pulling away from you or has their attention somewhere else. When two people are together without attachment cords they both feel free and open to be with one another without feeling a necessity to be together. This creates a fresh experience each time you interact with them and that keeps the relationship new and fluid. You get to choose each other over and over again.

So how do you release someone else’s energy and the cords of connection?

Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Slow your breath down and breathe more deeply. Relax into your body. Now tune into your body. Begin to feel your body with the intention to find any energy that is not yours. Sometimes it comes up as a feeling, sometimes as images, sometimes you just know. When you find the energy or cords, call in a helper, like a guide or angel, if you haven’t worked with them before, it’s ok, just know that you have spiritual helpers that are always there to help you when you need them. Call upon these helpers now and ask them to help you release this cord. When you feel it or visualize it you can see the connection as 2 hands holding on to one another. Find this connection and relax into it. Breathe and relax and allow the hands to slowly unravel, then give the other hand to the guide or angel. They will bring it back to whoever it belongs to and will take care of that person’s needs, so you don’t have to worry that you are leaving them without love or energy, they will be taken care of fully and completely. When the cord is gone feel into the space it was and fill yourself up with loving energy.

When you find someone else’s energy in your space, you can breathe into it and with your out breath use your intention to breathe it back to the other person. You might feel weird about giving the energy back to the person you took it from because the energy might feel weird to you, but the only reason it feels weird is because it’s not yours. It will feel like a burst of energy to them when they receive it back. If it still doesn’t feel right to give their energy back to them you can give it to the Earth or to the Divine. Each of these actions will allow that person to access their energy through their own connection to the Earth or Source energy.

Again, sometimes when we are releasing energy we have a resistance to releasing it all. It could be your resistance, it could be the resistance you feel from the other person, either way I want you to know that you and the other person will feel better after this cord and energy are released. It is a step in courage because you may feel like you are losing them forever, but the truth is…you can never lose them. There is a pure connection of energy that connects everyone here in the planet. If you ever need them you can think about them and they will be right there.  Think of it more like an ego cord. The ego has this idea that we are finite beings and we can lose everything in an instant. The truth is more like, we are infinite beings experiencing life on this planet as finite bodies, but our connection to each other and our experiences we have together are eternal. We can never lose them. When we release each other in love it creates even more love and the remembrances that we are all One.


For more information about the book Moving On and Letting On and Letting Go – A Guide to Loving Yourself or to receive a Moving On and Letting Go session. Please visit


When we love someone who doesn’t love us back…

When we love someone who doesn’t love us back…

Do you ever wonder why you get obsessed about someone who is clearly not healthy for you? Someone who keeps teaching you lessons about what not to do in relationship? You might light up when you think about them or talk to them, but the reality of the relationship is more pain and suffering….
Before we incarnate on this planet there are lessons we decide on learning here as a human. We pick our favorite beings…the ones that love us the most, to help us learn these lessons…sometimes these lessons are challenging and difficult to learn, especially when it comes to how to love ourselves and others in a deeply unconditional way, but these beings, who love us so deeply volunteer to help us learn these lessons no matter what it takes.
Sometimes it takes them showing up as someone who seems not to love us, someone who seems to want to cause us pain or suffering. Someone who seems not to care about us or want to be around us…
With all that said why would we want to still go back and be around this person? Why would we still love them even though they seem to want to hurt us?
With the veils lifting we are able to feel and see everything through a bigger perspective. We can’t deny the energy we feel or experience even when the outside circumstances show us something completely different.
In these cases we have to hold two complete but seemingly different truths. There is the Divine Being that loves us so completely and the earthly personality that is choosing to learn and teach it’s lessons here on the planet.
Our soul loves this Being deeply and completely because we are Soul Family. We feel this connection and we remember Home when we are with them, the challenge comes in when we forget that they agreed to teach us some painful lessons and when we learn these lessons we need to let them go so we can complete the lesson.
Letting this person go can be quite hard because you can feel this soul connection so strongly…because the more challenging the lesson, the more deeply you both love each other on a soul level. It takes a deeply loving soul love to seemingly forget you that completely.
As you come to the time of parting ways you can take solace in the fact that your Soul Family will always be with you. On a higher level they will always know you and love you completely and at the end of this Earth story we will all come back together again to love each other and merge completely into love with one another.
Thank them for their part on your journey. Identify what they had to teach you and then as lovingly and gracefully as you can, allow them to move on from your life so they can blossom into the person they need to be and you can as well. Remember, this is not an ending for the eternal beings that you are, just for the personalities you are experiencing this lifetime. The Divine Love will always be there, it is never ending…you are and always will be loved fully and completely.