The next 23 years

The next 23 years

I kind of thought that after my 5 year journey of writing my book was done that I would feel accomplished…but no. I now feel like that is actually only the first step in creating what I want to create here on the planet.

When I started out at 23 learning Reiki and Shamanism, learning about healing with herbs and essential oils then working with my Cherokee Medicine man in planes of existence I didn’t even know were possible, I thought, I was too young to tell anyone about what I knew…I felt like someday I will be able to share the knowledge that I studied and experienced because you can have knowledge, but unless you have actually lived it…then you are just talking theory.

So here I am at 46. I have lived a lot of life and seen a lot of things…and most days I think…I still don’t know much…but then I see someone struggling with something that I used to struggle with, but don’t anymore….and then I think…Oh, that’s it. Maybe we don’t have to be perfect and know everything, maybe we just have to share what we know from where we are at.
There are a lot of people who need the tools that I have…I used to share them all the time, but haven’t in many years. Partially because I was traveling, or caregiving or hiding out in some crazy jungle or in a relationship that was not really working so I didn’t want anyone to know about what I was up to…

But all those experiences, all of the pain, suffering, good and bad times have gotten me here. The tools I learned when I was 23 and the 23 years that came after, have served me well and allowed me to live the life I do today…
I’m trying to figure out all of this marketing and all of these new technologies and its overwhelming at times to keep it all straight and to know what to focus on and what to do…but today I decided…
I started this whole path “by accident”. A series of little hints that brought me from one place to another one step at a time, so why should this time of my life be any different?

I’m just going to start and it might suck and it might be awesome, but I’ll never find out if I don’t try.
If you’ve been with me since the beginning of this crazy journey and you are still here, thank you…the story isn’t over yet…and it just might start to get really exciting pretty soon.

During challenging times…remember the love

During challenging times…remember the love

When bad things happen in the world it’s easy to fall into sadness, anger and rage…we might focus on the worst of the worst and think that the Earth is a terrible place… but these bad things that happen…they are only a tiny part of what is happening here on the planet. There are beautiful people helping people, there are babies being born and loved. Puppies being funny and cute, plants growing, people falling in love…flowers being smelled, snow falling on the branches so perfectly it looks like a painting…oceans so blue they look like the sky…

Yes, bad things happen in the world…but this world that we live in also has so much goodness in it…look for the helpers, look for the people who are doing good in the world. See the bad and then think to yourself…how can I make this world a better place? How can I make a difference in a good way. Love always trumps hate. Goodness will always win in the end.

No one wants to live through such hard and challenging times…but through it all we come together. Through it all we can see the beautiful love in the world and each other.

Today…even if it is just for a moment…please think of something you are thankful for…think of something beautiful…think of something that makes you smile…

It might seem like something small…but it will add to the light of the planet. It raises the vibration just a little…but if we can all do it it raises it a lot. People say that prayers and thoughts don’t matter…well they do…Your positive thoughts of love do matter and they do help…they create a place for people to rest during the hard times. They create a bubble of comfort and safety during a time of chaos. I have seen it, I have felt it and I have created it…It Is Real.

In this moment I look out at the soft snow falling on the trees outside of my window and I breathe in the clean bright purity of this moment…I breathe out love and calm strength to those who need it in the world. Breathing in love, breathing out love…breathing in peace…breathing out peace…breathing in bliss…breathing out bliss….
Breathe in this moment…focus on the beauty of right now.

You are safe and you are loved.

Your most important relationship

Your most important relationship

Most of my life’s been spent looking for a partner, being in relationship or getting over a relationship.

For many years now I’ve been focusing every day on coming back into myself again and again to fill myself with love and security.

It’s been interesting to watch how somedays I feel complete and whole and other days I feel alone and wishing I had a partner to contemplate life with. The lonely days, however, have now turned to lonely moments…

These days when I find myself in a lonely moment I go within and ask what I am truly missing.

There are times I am driving in my car and I want to talk to someone…someone who understands who I am and how I think. It’s this feeling like I know this person already and I really just want to call them on the phone, but it’s nobody I know right now.

I think that maybe I had been looking for someone a best friend, a future romantic partner…but in these last few months a slow understanding has been forming…

The grasping for someone outside of myself feels like a never ending need, but when I come back into myself and fill myself with my own energy there is no needing or grasping, there is only peace.

But why do we have a need for connection? Why do we want a special person in our lives that fully and totally gets us?

I think that we are playing out a role here in the planet. We like to see how far we can get from remembering love and connection so we can have to fun of remembering it again and when we meet someone who we resonate with it blasts us into love consciousness. We forget about forgetting and we remember to trust and open to love again. It’s like a cheat code or a short cut to Divine Connection.

We sometimes want to live within that connection. We mistake that other person for our Divine connection because maybe we have forgotten that we have our own sweet connection to Source.

What I have found is the longer we stray from our direct connection the more that short cut to Source will start to deteriorate.

The other person is never going to be a sustainable Source of Divine love for you. They might be able to be a source for a while, but no other human is meant to be a total Source of Divine Love permanently.

The only thing that is a sure bet when it comes to connection to Divine Source is your own connection. Your crown directly connecting to Divine Source energy.

Does that mean we can’t have a partner, or if we do our partner is invalid? No, it just means that if we are coming together with a partner, our first responsibility is to our connection to Source, then our partner. Because if we have a constant direct connection to Source then that person is off the hook for making us happy. We come to the relationship happy and fulfilled. Hopefully our partner is on the same page and nurturing their direct connection to Source as well.

I contemplate again and again about if it is possible to be in relationship and maintain that connection…not just in theory but in practice. If we are truly non attached,IS it can we love another person fully enough to want to be with them and walk with them through life. Is it even necessary?

It’s been a long time since I have been in relationship…I seem to remember living with people and it being fun. There was also heartache, but there were early morning dance parties, cooking together, cuddling on couches, long talks, passion and romance…

And these days I do all of those things on in my autonomy…and I realize even though I am alone I am not lonely and I do have fun, it’s just looks different. Fulfilling in a different way. Knowing that I am the Source of my happiness can be really relaxing and calming because I am complete in the moment.

Maybe life and love are about balance. An eb and flow, inhale and exhale. Connection to other, connection to Source, Remembering, forgetting, losing, finding, together, apart, exploring and stillness.

Maybe all of it matters and maybe none of it matters, but in the end what I know for sure is that when you have a solid and loving connection with your body and your Source all the other relationships in your life become easier and more free.

My wish for you today and all days is Peace, Freedom and release from all pain and suffering.

Challenges of the Eclipse

Challenges of the Eclipse

Yes, this eclipse energy is challenging for me too. I am noticing that many of my fear patterns that I had thought I had gotten rid of long ago are coming back up to be experienced again. It mostly feels like I am going backwards spiritually…except…I have a theory…
 
Maybe the eclipse is about bringing to light everything that has been in darkness. Everything we have been afraid of truly looking at…the things we have hidden in the dark corners of our being so we would not have to see or feel them because they would make us feel bad and God forbid anyone would find out we are not perfect and don’t have it all together…
 
But here is the interesting part…
 
We are older now, wiser, stronger. We have the ability to stay in our center and come from that place of love and strength and we can heal those parts of ourselves that have been silently hurting. Just like we would heal another person with love and gentleness we can heal these part of ourselves that think we are less than and not enough…not worthy of healing. Of course you are worthy. You are worthy of healing and light, love and forgiveness, acceptance and self worth. All of the beautiful things of life can and will be yours if you wish to accept them into your life and know…
 
You are doing a good job.
You are more loved than you know.
The things you say and do are being reverberated into the Universe and helping to bring light to many in the darkness.
You are not alone in this…
 
You don’t have to be afraid anymore. Not of the pain or hurt, not for the confusion or unknowingness. You have the power to heal and change these things…Your mind is literally creating your reality, so start focusing on the beauty and the love you wish to see in the world. Know that it is right there around you and surrounding you right now. You are surrounded in beautiful and in love. Just clear out the things you no longer need and to embrace the truth of this moment…In this and all moments you can choose love, you can choose beauty, you can choose to see the light and the joy or at least know that it is coming.
 
There is light in even the darkest of places, even if you can’t see it , it is there waiting patiently for you to open your eyes and find it embracing you and loving you never-endingly.
Let it all go, there is only love

Let it all go, there is only love

Sometimes we are super attracted to someone, like the ‘OMG this is the most amazing person in the whole world’ kind of attracted to someone. There might be times of amazing connection and passion. There might even be feelings of wanting to be with that person and share many adventures with them…

 
But sometimes we find our communication breaking down and our lives just not meshing up. We might feel a sense of anger or hostility towards them, or them us for no really good reasons, other than we are not on the same page anymore…
 
I think we all want magic moments to last forever. We want those beautiful nights of connection, bonding with candles and wine, talking about the deepest parts of ourselves…but perhaps these are momentary gifts, like a sunset or a beautiful flower in bloom…
We can’t have that sunset every night…and that flower will slowly fade and wither…but for the moments we get to receive it. For the time we get to be fully present with them…ah that is true magic…
 
So maybe we should stop trying to make things work that aren’t harmonizing. What if we just walked away from that pain and suffering of trying to bring back a moment in time. that will never be the same again and come back to focus on our connection with ourselves?
 
Perhaps if we walk away from our intense focus on this experience and release it, it will come back to us in time, or maybe the world will show us an even more amazing sunset with colors more vibrant than we have ever seen…
 
Either way as we release our past experiences we free ourselves to experience something new and we can’t do that if we are stuck to the tv screen of the past watching reruns…
 
So in this moment…if you are ready…take a deep breath…
Give thanks for all of the amazing experiences and people you have met and been with in your life. Send them a big hug of your ever present Divine Love.
 
Then breathe yourself back to present time. Breathe all of your energy back from those people and those experiences. Feel it settling back down into your body… feeling your energy filling up each and every cell of your body. Breathing all of your energy back to you fully and completely.
 
Breathing out any energy you have held onto from others. Searching for it in your body and giving it back to these people as a gift of love. Blessing it and thanking it as it flows back to them…
 
As we bring our energy back to us and give their energy back to them it frees us both…we are no longer enmeshed within each other, but we are free to love the other as the free being they are as the free being we are.
 

When I talk about releasing the energy of others  sometimes people get afraid of losing the other person…but when we are fully free there is no fear. We are not afraid of losing the other person because they were never ours to hold on to.  Attaching to another always feels weird eventually because all people want to be connected, but feel free. So as we free the other persona’s energy we are making room for even more love…the world doesn’t not teach us this, but when you feel it, you’ll know it’s true…

Be brave enough to make the leap of faith and I can promise you once you make it through the fear and release everything…

 
There is only love <3
Living a perfectly imperfect life

Living a perfectly imperfect life

As my life unfolds I feel like a witness as well as an active participant. I am seeing more clearly the way things develop as I make choices for my highest good, but I also see that the Universe has this bigger plan for me and all of the things that I thought were bad choices were also part of the journey.

Every interaction with each person, all the pain, all the joy, all the humiliation and all of the courage, they are all intricate pieces. Each one as important as the next. You can’t skip over a piece because the puzzle will be incomplete. For many years I think I tried to believe that I didn’t need to experience some pieces…that my life would have been better without them, but if I had not been through and been a part of all that I have I would not be the person I am today.

It’s OK to get angry, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be manic and it’s ok to rest. it’s ok to explore relationships that aren’t meant for you and then it’s ok to leave them. It’s also ok to pretend you are a victim…and it’s also ok to realize that you chose it…all of it, just to have the experience of life.

I wake up this morning knowing that the choices I have made or are about to make aren’t perfect…but then again maybe they are…just because I don’t have it all together and am not graceful all the time doesn’t mean that it’s not perfect in some way. Maybe figuring out how to be the best kind of human just looks and feels weird sometimes…and maybe…just for today I am going to embrace feeling weird and uncomfortable…and I am even going to love it…