I kind of thought that after my 5 year journey of writing my book was done that I would feel accomplished…but no. I now feel like that is actually only the first step in creating what I want to create here on the planet.
When I started out at 23 learning Reiki and Shamanism, learning about healing with herbs and essential oils then working with my Cherokee Medicine man in planes of existence I didn’t even know were possible, I thought, I was too young to tell anyone about what I knew…I felt like someday I will be able to share the knowledge that I studied and experienced because you can have knowledge, but unless you have actually lived it…then you are just talking theory.
So here I am at 46. I have lived a lot of life and seen a lot of things…and most days I think…I still don’t know much…but then I see someone struggling with something that I used to struggle with, but don’t anymore….and then I think…Oh, that’s it. Maybe we don’t have to be perfect and know everything, maybe we just have to share what we know from where we are at.
There are a lot of people who need the tools that I have…I used to share them all the time, but haven’t in many years. Partially because I was traveling, or caregiving or hiding out in some crazy jungle or in a relationship that was not really working so I didn’t want anyone to know about what I was up to…
But all those experiences, all of the pain, suffering, good and bad times have gotten me here. The tools I learned when I was 23 and the 23 years that came after, have served me well and allowed me to live the life I do today…
I’m trying to figure out all of this marketing and all of these new technologies and its overwhelming at times to keep it all straight and to know what to focus on and what to do…but today I decided…
I started this whole path “by accident”. A series of little hints that brought me from one place to another one step at a time, so why should this time of my life be any different?
I’m just going to start and it might suck and it might be awesome, but I’ll never find out if I don’t try.
If you’ve been with me since the beginning of this crazy journey and you are still here, thank you…the story isn’t over yet…and it just might start to get really exciting pretty soon.
When bad things happen in the world it’s easy to fall into sadness, anger and rage…we might focus on the worst of the worst and think that the Earth is a terrible place… but these bad things that happen…they are only a tiny part of what is happening here on the planet. There are beautiful people helping people, there are babies being born and loved. Puppies being funny and cute, plants growing, people falling in love…flowers being smelled, snow falling on the branches so perfectly it looks like a painting…oceans so blue they look like the sky…
Yes, bad things happen in the world…but this world that we live in also has so much goodness in it…look for the helpers, look for the people who are doing good in the world. See the bad and then think to yourself…how can I make this world a better place? How can I make a difference in a good way. Love always trumps hate. Goodness will always win in the end.
No one wants to live through such hard and challenging times…but through it all we come together. Through it all we can see the beautiful love in the world and each other.
Today…even if it is just for a moment…please think of something you are thankful for…think of something beautiful…think of something that makes you smile…
It might seem like something small…but it will add to the light of the planet. It raises the vibration just a little…but if we can all do it it raises it a lot. People say that prayers and thoughts don’t matter…well they do…Your positive thoughts of love do matter and they do help…they create a place for people to rest during the hard times. They create a bubble of comfort and safety during a time of chaos. I have seen it, I have felt it and I have created it…It Is Real.
In this moment I look out at the soft snow falling on the trees outside of my window and I breathe in the clean bright purity of this moment…I breathe out love and calm strength to those who need it in the world. Breathing in love, breathing out love…breathing in peace…breathing out peace…breathing in bliss…breathing out bliss….
Breathe in this moment…focus on the beauty of right now.
You are safe and you are loved.
Most of my life’s been spent looking for a partner, being in relationship or getting over a relationship.
For many years now I’ve been focusing every day on coming back into myself again and again to fill myself with love and security.
It’s been interesting to watch how somedays I feel complete and whole and other days I feel alone and wishing I had a partner to contemplate life with. The lonely days, however, have now turned to lonely moments…
These days when I find myself in a lonely moment I go within and ask what I am truly missing.
There are times I am driving in my car and I want to talk to someone…someone who understands who I am and how I think. It’s this feeling like I know this person already and I really just want to call them on the phone, but it’s nobody I know right now.
I think that maybe I had been looking for someone a best friend, a future romantic partner…but in these last few months a slow understanding has been forming…
The grasping for someone outside of myself feels like a never ending need, but when I come back into myself and fill myself with my own energy there is no needing or grasping, there is only peace.
But why do we have a need for connection? Why do we want a special person in our lives that fully and totally gets us?
I think that we are playing out a role here in the planet. We like to see how far we can get from remembering love and connection so we can have to fun of remembering it again and when we meet someone who we resonate with it blasts us into love consciousness. We forget about forgetting and we remember to trust and open to love again. It’s like a cheat code or a short cut to Divine Connection.
We sometimes want to live within that connection. We mistake that other person for our Divine connection because maybe we have forgotten that we have our own sweet connection to Source.
What I have found is the longer we stray from our direct connection the more that short cut to Source will start to deteriorate.
The other person is never going to be a sustainable Source of Divine love for you. They might be able to be a source for a while, but no other human is meant to be a total Source of Divine Love permanently.
The only thing that is a sure bet when it comes to connection to Divine Source is your own connection. Your crown directly connecting to Divine Source energy.
Does that mean we can’t have a partner, or if we do our partner is invalid? No, it just means that if we are coming together with a partner, our first responsibility is to our connection to Source, then our partner. Because if we have a constant direct connection to Source then that person is off the hook for making us happy. We come to the relationship happy and fulfilled. Hopefully our partner is on the same page and nurturing their direct connection to Source as well.
I contemplate again and again about if it is possible to be in relationship and maintain that connection…not just in theory but in practice. If we are truly non attached,IS it can we love another person fully enough to want to be with them and walk with them through life. Is it even necessary?
It’s been a long time since I have been in relationship…I seem to remember living with people and it being fun. There was also heartache, but there were early morning dance parties, cooking together, cuddling on couches, long talks, passion and romance…
And these days I do all of those things on in my autonomy…and I realize even though I am alone I am not lonely and I do have fun, it’s just looks different. Fulfilling in a different way. Knowing that I am the Source of my happiness can be really relaxing and calming because I am complete in the moment.
Maybe life and love are about balance. An eb and flow, inhale and exhale. Connection to other, connection to Source, Remembering, forgetting, losing, finding, together, apart, exploring and stillness.
Maybe all of it matters and maybe none of it matters, but in the end what I know for sure is that when you have a solid and loving connection with your body and your Source all the other relationships in your life become easier and more free.
My wish for you today and all days is Peace, Freedom and release from all pain and suffering.