I have had a mixture of anxiousness and sadness going on under the surface for many years, but somehow today I was able to get a different perspective on it. Even though I have felt these feelings, I never really embraced them or sat with them. I have heard of this, I have even taught this, but today I actually did it…and something happened.
I relaxed into the feelings of resistance and instead of seeing it as resistance I saw it just another feeling, just another sensation. Relaxing into the anxiousness, relaxing into the sadness…and just being a witness to it, just loving it…feeling it expand and open.
These feelings were like veils keeping me from being fully present in my body. I would feel them and back off and then they would come back stronger and overwhelm me…but each time I would note the feelings and sensations and wonder how to shift them the next time.
Today I was able to feel the layers that these feelings lived in and was able to get below them. Deeper and deeper I explored into and around these feelings and as I went into them they would dissolve. Taking deep breaths I realized that these feelings were just sensations and sensations can shift and change. The act of moving into them allowed them to release and then I was able to move deeper into my own body.
As I feel into my body now I am experiencing a greater groundedness than I can remember ever feeling. It’s starting to feel like my body is solid, strong and stable. I am not done with the process yet, but each day that I go in I feel like I am getting another part of me back again. Feeling emotionally and physically stronger.
I am so thankful for this process of unfolding in my life. Allowing me to see that we truly do create our reality, our pain, our suffering, but also our salvation, our healing and our bliss. Nothing we do is outside of ourselves. We are doing this whole life as an experiment in coming back to wholeness, truth and clarity.
Someone had told me not to tell people about my struggles with life, but in the struggles lies the courage to seek out the peace. I am an awesome empathic intuitive, but I didn’t get that way because life was easy. I got this way because I have struggled and cried and raged and learned what it is to be human. This humaness has taught me more than any quiet times of perfection in solitude. In this moment I am thankful for it all.
I know this clarity comes and goes, so in this moment I give thanks and I honor it all…with so much love…